Shy

Chapter 32

Aobajousai Vs Karasuno

Set Count: 2-1

They lost...

The look of pure devastation on each of the players' faces was more than enough to break Tsukiko's heart.

The anger. The frustration. The guilt.

It was all there, from their tightly bitten lips to their held back tears.

As the team lined up to bow, Tsukiko bit her own lips in frustration. She lamented the fact that there really was nothing that she could do but sympathize with them and clap for them. Letting her tears fall for the second time that day, Tsukiko alternated between clapping and rubbing at her eyes with her sleeves.

As she clapped with all the other watchers, her eyes fell onto Tanaka seething with anger. She wondered if it was anger at the outcome, anger at himself, or anger at both.

He hadn't looked up to see her even once, most likely too pained about the defeat to do so. Seeing the unfallen tears in his eyes like all of his teammates, Tsukiko cried harder. Was there really nothing more she could do?

She tried closing her eyes tight to hold back the tears, but such a task was easier said than done. All she could do was watch the team pack up their stuff and leave the court through blurry vision. Quickly trying to gather herself, Tsukiko rushed out to follow them.

The boys walked on in solemn silence, most of them looking down at their feet or gripping the strap of their bags so hard that their knuckles turned white.

A few of the members heard the pitter patter of feet running towards them. When they looked back, they were met with a panting Tsukiko. The poor girl was holding herself up by latching her hands onto her knees in a bent position.

As she was catching her breath, she tilted her head upwards to look for Tanaka. Absorbed by his own thoughts, he hadn't noticed her and was still looking down at the ground. He was jolted out of his brooding by a tap on the shoulder from Ennoshita who then pointed in Tsukiko's direction.

Tanaka followed his finger to see Tsukiko finally calming down and straightening herself up. He looked back at his friends and they all gave him understanding nods, continuing down the hallway without him.

The second-year slowly walked over to the shy girl. His eyes went anywhere but on her. It was as if he didn't dare to look at her or that he couldn't bring himself to.

He stopped a few steps in front of her. Neither of them had made any other sound, both suddenly taking an immense interest in the floor.

Tanaka didn't say anything for obvious reasons and Tsukiko kept her mouth shut in uncertainty. At the time, her legs moved on their own and she only wished to see him face-to-face. Now that she was here, she wasn't sure what she should say or even do. Was there even anything she could say?

As the time passed and the silence stretched on, Tsukiko felt more pathetic and an even greater sense of dread. She balled her hands into fists, firmly clenching the hem of her tunic.

Tanaka was the first to break the silence. "...Sorry." Tsukiko seemed to freeze at that one word. She slowly lifted her head to look at him in shock and disbelief. He still refused to look at her, eyes cast downward.

"Sorry...you had to see all that...Sorry that you made all these charms and we couldn't win...Sorry that I made you come out ju—" "Don't apologize!!!" The second-year flinched upon hearing the near unrecognizable voice. It was already louder than what she normally sounded like, but the empty and quiet hallway seemed to give it much more impact.

He finally took a good look at her. She was gritting her teeth and was furiously rubbing at her eyes, a clear stream of tears falling down her cheeks and off her chin.

Tsukiko cursed herself for crying again when she had finally composed herself enough to stop just moments ago. "D-Don't apologize for s-something like that...I didn't c-come here to b-blame you or to g-guilt trip you..." She managed to say between her sniffles and hiccups. She still didn't know exactly what she planned to do, but it sure wasn't to hear him apologize.

Tanaka looked down again. It pained him to face her. It pained him to see her like this. It pained him to know that he was a big cause of her tears. "Still...I'm sorry that you made such an effort to cheer for us...for me...and I cou—" "Stop!" She tried to keep the tears in, but it was just impossible for her. The more he spoke, the harder she cried.

"P-Please...stop...I came to s-support you...not to s-see you win." She choked out. Tanaka just bit his lip, head hanging low. "I d-don't care that y-you didn't win. I-I know that y-you tried your b-best."

"But my best wasn't good enough!!" She flinched at his sudden shout, momentarily stopping her hiccups to stare at him with wide eyes. He was slightly shaking, his hands rolled into tight fists at his sides.

His voice grew louder in proportion to his anger. "I should've practiced more. I should've called for the ball more. I should've tried harder! My best just wasn't good enough!!"

"Then you just have to get better!" Not being able to take it any longer, Tsukiko quickly closed the gap between them. She grabbed onto both of his arms, almost shaking him in place. Her head ducked underneath his bent one, forcing him to look at her. Tanaka grit his teeth harder upon seeing her pleading eyes.

"J-Just because you l-lost doesn't m-mean that you a-aren't s-strong...If you d-don't think you're s-strong enough, t-then you just h-have to get stronger!" She didn't even care about her tears anymore. All she wanted was for him to understand that none of this was his fault.

"Th-The ones who are s-strong, aren't strong b-because they win! They w-win because they are strong! The r-really strong ones a-are those that can win e-even when they've l-lost! L-Losing doesn't m-mean you're w-weak!" Tsukiko had no idea if any of this was making sense to him, but she was acting purely on instinct at this point. She had to say something – anything – to help him.

As if she were losing strength, her head dipped down and hung underneath his. The top of her head almost touched Tanaka's chest. "T-Tanaka-senpai...p-please stop apologizing. P-Please stop b-blaming yourself...P-Please keep being strong l-like how you were i-in the match. L-Like when you sh-shut down their c-captain's streak w-with your own p-power – when you p-picked yourself b-back up a-after falling down."

She was breathing hard. She was gasping for breath between the hiccups. Her head was still hung low against his chest and she still held onto him, but there was none of the strength in her grasp like earlier.

Tsukiko shuddered when she felt something wet fall on top of her head. She inched her head up to look at Tanaka.

His lips were pushed together in a firm line, completely sealing his mouth. Even though he was silent, the tears flowing from his eyes were clear. He lifted his arms up to wipe the tears away, causing Tsukiko to let go of them. She just stood there, watching him with her own tears still falling.

He was still rubbing at his eyes when she finally heard him speak again. "...So lame..." He mumbled.

He continued quietly. "...So lame, losing...So lame, having you slap me back to my senses...So lame, crying in front of the girl I like..." Tsukiko gently smiled through her tears. She held onto his arms again, pulling them down from his face and then pulling him towards her.

The boy laid his forehead onto her shoulder, soaking it. "I-It's not lame. S-Strong people can c-cry too. They even b-become stronger b-because of it!" She softly whispered into his ear as she wrapped her arms around him.

He returned the hug with much more force, like he was afraid that she might disappear if he didn't hold on tight enough. Like he was transferring all of his gratitude into this one hug.

They didn't know how long they held onto each other like that, both of their cries reverberating in the empty hallway.