❝Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.❞
❝That would be you.❞
❝You're a smooth motherfucker, aren't you?❞
In which Nico desperately needs advice and finds a payphone, but he has nobody to call.
And then the payphone rings.
And Nico answers.
And ov...
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"I'm sorry."
"You freaked me out, Nico."
"I know and I'm sorry."
"I told you I wanted to get to know you better and you just sprung that on me! I thought I made it pretty clear I wasn't ready to share phone numbers, why would you think I was ready to meet in real life?"
"I know you aren't ready, it was stupid and—"
"It's okay, I forgive you. I'll pretend you came to my house and serenaded me with cheesy Justin Bieber songs until I finally succumbed to your horrible voice and gave you my mercy."
"If I was to serenade you I'd sing Britney, or Panic. Or even Gaga. I hate Justin, his stupid perfect hair and abs... but you really forgive me?"
"Don't hate on Bieber. He can't help his attractiveness. And yeah, I forgive you. I'm not going to ruin this routine we have going on over something that stupid. Just don't scare me like that again."
"Got it. Plus, I really need to talk to you."
"What's up, buttercup?"
"Gas prices. And my auntie's blood pressure, but that's a story for another time."
"Right, okay. I'm hanging up."
"No! Wait! I think my therapist is the English teacher's wife!"
"You what??"
"I never realised they had the same last name, I'm such an idiot."
"No argument there."
"I went to my appointment the other day and she was so depressed, she had these huge under eye bags. Her wedding ring was missing, too."
"Well paint me red and call me Clifford."
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing. Please, continue."
"I tried to get her to talk but she kept insisting she was fine. I feel horrible, Nessa. I'm a horrible person."
"You're not a horrible person, Nico. I mean, yeah, you might be a perverted, inappropriate, sick-minded, douchebaggy—"
"Nessa, please. I'm drowning in your flattery."
"Let me finish. You might be a weirdo but you're definitely not a bad person. It isn't your fault that your girlfriend was publicly humiliated and news spread. She cheated on you, for God's sake! Hell, you have a right to take joy in it."
"You really don't think I'm a bad person?"
"No! You're a good guy, Nico. With a good heart. In fact, I think... I think I'm ready to exchange numbers."
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OH SHIT PLOT TWIST
did yall see that coming
ok but if u dont know big bang theory r u even human
