The Artist / Billie Eilish

Chapter 23

Billie's POV

"You realise I'm not standing for this fucking bullshit, right?"

Finneas sighed next to me as I started to hastily pack up my suitcase. We were leaving for a new state tomorrow, and I also just wanted something to do with my hands that involved not punching anyone.

I hadn't seen Rose yet. I didn't want to.

Groaning, I shoved my hoodies messily into my case and slammed the lid shut, quickly standing and pacing the bedroom. Finneas and Claudia sat on the bed, watching me walk from one side to the other as I began to think out loud.

"Letting a bunch of homophobic douchebags run my life is not how I'm seeing this going down," I rambled, running my hands through my hair and pulling out my phone, my shaking fingers tapping away at the screen. "If people are going to leave me after they find out about me and Rose, then fuck them. I don't want them following me anyway."

Finneas hastily stood and snatched my phone out of my hands, cancelling the Instagram post I was creating as I yelled at him.

It was a picture of Rose I had taken the other night. She was lying on her stomach on the bed, with nothing but my fucking Calvin's on, a pizza box laying discarded next to her as she was on her phone. Honestly, it's the sexiest picture that's ever existed, and seeing again made me momentarily forget how infuriated I was.

Momentarily.

"Dude, use your brain," Finneas tried to reason with me, holding my phone up high so my short ass couldn't reach. I smacked him repeatedly in the chest instead. "What are you going to say? 'Surprise, me and Rose are dating and I'm getting sued by my label now.' Are you even dating? Have you talked to her about any of this? Does she want to be known as Billie Eilish's girlfriend forever, before she even has a chance to get her art out there? Think, Billie."

I sharply inhaled as I faced away from Finneas, storming into the bathroom and slamming the door behind me, turning the lock.

Claudia's muffled voice broke out into the silence as tears stung at my eyes, and I watched myself in the mirror as I listened.

"She's just a kid, Finneas," she whispered harshly as he mumbled incoherently in agreement and regret. "Do you not remember what it was like to be a kid and in love? She's overwhelmed, and scared, and of course she's going to be impulsive like this. They're kids. Let them be young and in love and get her out of this absolute bullshit label right now."

The voices from the other room faded away as I focused on my own reflection, my face slowly contorting as tears dripped down my cheeks.

I felt as though I'd hit a wall.

I never know what's right. Nothing ever feels right for me, ever.
I always feel as though I'm waiting. I'm waiting for something to end, waiting for someone to leave me, waiting for it all to make sense and feel better.

It never feels better.

I've never 'clicked' with anyone, I never enjoy anyone else's company more than my own, I never look forward to anything anymore.

That's my life. That's what I'm used to. And it hurts.

So, tell me why Rose comes into my life and instantly becomes the embodiment of everything my life has never been?

What's so different about her?

Why would I prefer to sit with her in my red bedroom for hours than go to fucking Hawaii or something by myself? Why would my heart near-burst out of my chest every time she speaks when I don't even blink at the millions of new followers I get everyday?

Why would she give me something to wake up every morning and feel excited about when usually I would feel excited about the thought of not waking up?

And, if this is all fate and she's the goddamn perfect puzzle piece to my shit puzzle of life, why does it still hurt so fucking badly?

Isn't this supposed to be it now? We've all seen the movies, the guy meets the girl and then that's it's happily ever after.

But when it's the girl meets the girl, all hell breaks loose.

My hand flew over my mouth as a sob escaped my throat, and I heard Claudia gasp softly from the other room.

Finneas knocked gently, his voice echoing through the bathroom. "Can you come out, Bil? Let's talk about it."

I held my face in my hands as I rested my elbows on the countertop, giving up and letting my quiet sobs rack my body.

Finneas sighed again as I heard Claudia sniffle; a more delicate knock against the door.

"Billie, I don't know what we can do to help, but we're here. We're here if you need someone to talk to, or to be with, or t-"

"I love her."

The pair on the other side of the door fell silent, obviously exchanging looks between one another as I tried to calm down, my breathing irregular and heavy.

"I love her," I sobbed as I wiped my tears with the sleeves of my hoodie. "And I don't know what to do about it."

My voice cracked at the end of my sentence as I leaned my forehead against the door, letting my tears take over as I sluggishly turned the lock.

Finneas slowly opened the door and instantly pulled me into a hug as I cried against his shoulder, Claudia pressing herself  against my back and wrapping her arms around my waist.

We stayed like this for most of the night as I let out all of my confusion, frustration, and fear into Finneas' poor, now-ruined white shirt.

Not for one second did either of them leave the hug.