The Artist / Billie Eilish

Chapter 43

Billie's POV

"So, what? You're just gonna date them both? You know I love you, babe, but that's fucked up."

Macy sighed as I felt her eyes watching me, a concerned glare burning into the side of my skull. I was slumped out on the greenroom couch, a soda can in one hand, my phone loosely grasped in the other, desperately waiting for one specific notification that I hadn't received for too long.

"She'll find out, Billie," Macy mumbled, flinching as I flew my arm back and launched the can at the opposite wall as hard as I could, groaning and covering my face with my hands.

Macy didn't even try to comfort me.

She knows me.

She knows that when I get mad like this, no one can talk me down. But, she also knows that I refuse to help myself. When I get bad, I prefer to wallow in self pity than try and help the situation, even if I'm in the wrong.

What? Sue me for being lazy, bitches.

"Just... Think about what you're doing, Bil. Really think about it. Think about what you want to get out of it, think about who you're gonna hurt in the pro-"

"OKAY! Okay! Jesus fucking Christ, I get it, okay?! I get that I'm fucking my life up, I get that the only way out of this is to hurt someone, and I get that the person I'm going to end up hurting is a real life fucking angel, okay?! I do NOT need you to sit here and fucking lecture me about my life that everyone already knows is going to shit. I don't need it."

Macy's eyes didn't move from staring at her clipboard the whole time, her long nails nervously playing with the metal clip on the top. Hastily wiping a tear from my cheek, I tried to calm my rapidly increasing breathing as I wandered over to the other side of the room, facing the wall as I felt my lip starting to quiver.

The red-haired girl sighed, looking up towards the door in front of her as she sat up straight, flicking her ponytail over her shoulder before clearing her throat.

"Well," she started calmly, glancing at her reflection in the mirror and adjusting some fly away hairs. "I'm glad you got that out of your system. But I'm going to need you to stop being a little bitch, effective immediately."

With one last look at herself, she turned to look at me, still seated - watching me until I dragged my eyes away from their spot on the floor to meet hers. She shook her head, pursing her lips, her eyebrows furrowing as she looked at me.

"What are you so scared of, Billie?"

I felt my lip quiver once more before I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, my hands immediately flying up to cover my face as I heard Macy scurry over to me, pulling me into her. Sobbing quietly into her shoulder, the slightly younger girl rubbed my back softly, whispering against the side of my head.

"That girl loves you, Bil. Everyone knows it. Shit, if you didn't come out whilst y'all were on vacation, everyone would've damn found out anyways. She can't hide the way she looks at you."

She rested her hands on my arms, pushing me back lightly, sympathy filling her eyes as she gazed into mine, a little pout on her lips. Her thumb wiped away one of the tears on my cheek, and she stroked it a couple times before sighing again.

"Don't fuck this up, Eilish," she mumbled, her hand still on my face. "Honestly. This could go places. Just... Don't take her for granted."

Before I could even react, the door swung open, and Rose stumbled into the room, her arms overloaded with art supplies.

She was humming softly to herself, trying to close the door with one foot and hop along on the other, pens and erasers occasionally falling from her huge cluster of materials.

Macy cleared her throat, and the freshly-dyed brunette's head snapped up, her mouth hanging open in shock, a small notebook toppling out of her arms.

A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

"O-oh my god, I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here," my girlfriend stuttered, her dishevelled hair falling in front of her face as her glasses fell slightly down the bridge of her nose. I wandered over to the girl as Macy explained to her how she was leaving soon anyways, and I brushed my hand against hers as I took the materials out of her arms. I saw a light blush dust her cheeks as her eyes caught mine for a second, before her attention was back on Macy.

"I'm gonna leave you two bitches alone," she chirped, running back to get her phone before she kissed us both on the cheek, laughing as she slammed the door behind her.

Rose pushed her glasses back up to their normal position and let out a tiny breath.

"I'm sorry for interrupting you guys, I thought this room was empty. It's like every room in this place is full," she spoke quietly, as I wandered away to place all of her things down on the couch, her eyes flickering up to watch me when I slowly made my way back to her. A little smile danced on my lips, and I delicately brushed her hair back into its regular place with my fingers as I watched her get a little shy, her eyes glancing at the ground but a smile forming.

I softly grazed my fingers down her cheek, sliding them along her jawline and then to the back of her neck, into her hair. I felt her breath hitch against my lips as her eyes fluttered between watching mine and my mouth.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, bringing my left hand up to slide into her hair in symmetry with my other. Her eyebrows furrowed as she slightly shook her head, confused as to why I was apologising. I licked my lips anxiously, kinda unsure myself of how much I was going to apologise for. "I'm sorry for being distant. I'm sorry for not giving you everything I should be, I'm sorry for not being what you deser-"

"Bil, baby-"

"No. Let me do this. You always stick up for me, even if I fuck up, and I need to do this. Please."

She sighed, pressing a light kiss against my lips before pulling away, looking patiently into my eyes. Her fingers played with the charms of my bracelets dangling close to her face, and I could've cried for the second time today just watching the look in her eyes.

"You deserve more than me. And I know you don't agree, or maybe you do, you just don't say it. You do deserve more. But..." Kissing her little nose lightly and listening to her laugh, I kept my hands intertwined in her hair, resting my forehead softly against hers. "The solution isn't you finding someone else. That isn't even on that table, bitch."

She giggled, pushing my chest jokingly as I pulled her into me, grinning, my heart glowing inside my chest. "The solution is me changing. Me getting my head out of ass. And, I don't want you to say anything about how I don't need to do that, or how I'm perfect how I am, because I'm not, and I'm going to. I'm going to change and be what you deserve. And I'm gonna love you more than ever the whole time I do that. Okay?"

Her eyes were twinkling as she smiled, shaking her head and pulling me in by my blohsh necklace to kiss her before she mumbled against my lips, kissing me again.

"Okay, dweeb."