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E T H A N
Another day without a sign of her, another night of me not being able to sleep.
It's been days since I've heard from Brooklyn. I couldn't manage to speak to Cole and now I'm left to my own paranoid thoughts. The past couple of days have been spent on all the worst case scenarios it could come up with and I am exhausted of myself.
Every single part of me is missing and craving her presence so much, it feels as if this pain may turn into a physical one if it continues like this.
I miss her genuine smile, the one she shows me a lot but I still can't seem to get enough of it. The way she tries so hard to not show her teeth and ends up smiling the crooked one that causes a dimple to appear. The smile that brightens my dark reality.
I miss her laugh that takes away all of my worries the second I hear it. It vibrates through me and makes me want to crack annoying jokes all the time, just to be able to hear it again and again and again to forget about the world around us.
I miss the way she pushes my chest when I annoy her, how she gets shy when I make jokes about us. I miss grabbing her wrists and hands to stop her when she does so, feeling my fingers tingle at the touch. Feeling her pulse drum against mine.
I miss wrapping my arms around her tiny frame and hearing her heart beat rapidly against my own racing heart, hoping that maybe I'm not the only one that gets severely nervous around the other. I'm also guilty of inhaling the scent of her hair, which smells of vanilla and cinnamon, while trying not to appear like a total creep.
I miss staring at her while she tells me something and completely gets lost into the story, as if she's living in the moment all over again. I miss the blush creeping up her cheeks when she notices I'm staring and how she tries to hide behind her brown locks falling down her face.
I miss her mesmerizing eyes, the eyes that tell the story her mouth doesn't. Her eyes have a whole world hidden behind them and I want to visit every place, one by one. Staring into them makes me want to discover her, get to know her better than anyone else and reach places no one ever has. I miss the eyes that got me hooked the moment I saw them looking at me outside of my cell.
I miss her, everything about her.
And the sad part is that it has only been a few days.
A few days without this girl and I already feel tortured. Maybe she'll return and I'm just being pathetic and getting worked up for nothing but I can't deny the fact that one day, she will have to leave for once and for all.
That is, once again, a worst case scenario. Sure, they're trying their hardest to make this new trial work, but I'm trying to expect failure. Expectations lead to disappointments, I can't do that to myself any longer.
