Annihilation - Book Three

Chapter 16

My talk with Tonic isn't all that I had dreamt it would be, I feel estranged from him now. With all the time it took me to find him, one would believe I would have come up with something touching and inspiring to say. But, all I can do is hug him as I would have done before this all happened, only this time, he doesn't seem to reciprocate the action. 

He's tense and stiff under my arms as if he doesn't know me and upon looking at his face I can see that he has changed as much as I have. 

Tonic is no longer the little baby bird who was afraid of his own shadow, though I'm sure he still possesses much of the fear he had initially. Now, he's looking much more like his sire and the bulk suits him. His dark hair allows for a more masculine look than the gray, he's even starting on some facial hair. I feel a pang of loss, I miss my friend.

Every time I'm away from Tonic he looks bigger than he did before and today was no exception, it's as if I'm practically watching him grow before my eyes and I must remind myself that we are nearly the same age. 

When I don't get a return hug, we share a long awkward pause that leaves me feeling a bit lost here with this stranger and I can't help but question how we were ever friends if we can't even hold up a conversation. I try and get information from him but the lack of sharing must be hereditary because I learn little to nothing from my, now, human companion.

 I collect my thoughts, don't get ahead of yourself, he's just had a traumatic event that nearly cost him his life. 

I hold out hope that I'll be reassured with tales of valor or self-evaluation but Tonic reveals that when he left he wondered for a while, he taught himself to be a better hunter and then he followed us around. Knowing that he was possibly around the corner, watching us die, watching us struggle, knowing his father was alive,  I'm unsure of how to respond and process. 

The distance he carries with him frustrates me, it feels unearned. I'd like to think I'm envious of his ability to just shut out the world and focus on whatever it is he feels he's doing, but the more I ponder on it the more I feel frustrated with the simplicity and selfishness.  "That's it? What were you doing over here then?"

"I was following Tomas, he's an awful bounty hunter." He tells me with a yawn.

 I've followed him into the dining hall for breakfast since there isn't much left to do but eat my emotions. I pile my bowl with hot potato soup and I'm irritated all over that I have to hunt down my companion as he's wandered off to sit by himself. 

I try and get comfortable at the side table he's secluded himself to, only grabbing a piece of bread to nibble on. In the infirmary, he'd looked bright and happy but now it's as if he'd reverted by to the psycho who nearly took my life in Dezna. The flash of memory almost causes me to lose my appetite, I remind myself that I would be much more apt to defend myself this time around.

"Why were you following Tomas?" We go around and around in circles. I only have enough mental capacity for one tormented soul in my life and I resign myself to asking Tomas about this later. It would seem they were hunting each other and neither were of the wiser. Tonic stands, wandering off and leaving me here to wonder how we would possibly get him back this time and if he was worth the trouble. 

 I'm almost enjoying the silence when Haryek comes to sit with me, dusting off the seat and folding himself properly into a regal pose. 

"Good morning." He hums, eyeing me.

 I roll my eyes, I think I'd rather have Tonic back. Taking another spoonful of soup, I consider not answering. "Tonic's fucked up." I finally sighed, changing the subject.

Haryek feigns surprise and I'm tempted to flick my soup at him as punishment for his cattiness. A look will have to suffice. 

"Nicolas, Tonic has not been right since the death of his friend. I think you're barking up the wrong tree."