Annihilation - Book Three

Chapter 21

Coming to terms with the fact that I'd cursed him brought more emotions than I was expecting. As much as he tried to act like a human in front of me, the lack of partaking in meals told me he'd rather be hunting. 

I could only assume it's the lack of control, perhaps just one more thing magic had done to his existence. I wasn't expecting the outright rejection to the solution to our problems, that he wouldn't be indulging in any more blood, even if it meant he could live a pain-free life. It seemed like such a small price to pay, one I would happily give. 

"This isn't what I wanted." He looked so angry but with no wolf to blame, there was only himself to contend with he sorted through his first storm of anger in this mostly-human form. 

"We can't always get what we want. Isn't that practically your motto? You should be thanking me! I've fixed your shoulder!" I'm so hurt, I've wanted this for him for so long. I had always assumed his anger stemmed from pain, watching him limp while others bound freely across the courtyard drove me to contemplate cures more times than once.

 He would stumble from landings,  struggle with guarding such a large defect, and deal with the frustration of his limitations. "I've freed you."

"By damning me to another curse. I can feel the wolf wanting to come back. It's not worth it" 

"Fuck being normal!" I snap at him, shoving my plate away from me to cross my arms over my chest. "Where is this coming from? Why do you want to be human so badly? Humans are fragile and boring. They die, Randy. They die! All the time! The wolf is a part of you, a part of you that I love."

 It's easy to forget what others want, when I met him that was all he wanted; to free his people of this curse. Much as I like to separate the two, he is a part of those people but I never imagined he would want to be rid of something so beautiful and so alive. 

Something that I had feared so entirely had become what I struggle with losing, a piece of him I can't imagine being without. 

I know he wants peace and that he has been enjoying the silence and the simplicity of this life but I feel we are living in a fantasy, pretending we can be something that we are not. This isn't him, this life doesn't allow for a soft, human leader when the world is so harsh and deadly.

 We need something sturdy, something that can take the full brunt of the onslaught that is to come. After my time in the book, I'd come to realize something was happening to my father and he picked Verando to create balance. My father could see glimpses into the future and I felt down to my own core that we would need the wolf.

"It's not just our lives, Randy." I sigh. "You taught me that, you know. Sometimes, we don't get to choose. This is not you." I gesture to him, sliding off the counter to rest my hand on his chest. "We have to finish this and when it's all over, I will give this back to you. I will find a way to remove the wolf if that is what you want." My eyes well up, I hate thinking about the end.

 Loan couldn't run my kingdom forever, I must go home eventually to live my own life. I have to repair all that my father has broken and reform our alliances while preparing for my own war as invading forces slowly begin to surround us. This doesn't end for me, but there is relief in knowing that it will be over for him.

 I smooth out the material of his shirt as I inhale shakily. "You can go home when this is done, take your people, and go back to living your own life."

I can't cage him, I can't expect him to remain here.  

He curls his finger under my chin and lifts my gaze. I wonder how often he's thought about what he would do after, if he even considered staying with me as often as I dread the thought of him leaving. "I'm not going anywhere."