I am the Skeleton in the Closet

The Undeserving

I won an award in school every year. All of the award ceremonies, besides senior year, were held in the Junior High School Auditorium. It could seat about two-hundred people give or take. For the ceremonies they always had a very formal way of doing things. You'd have to watch every single student strut across the stage to shake four people's hands before receiving a fancy piece of colored paper with an autograph and a title. I always hated going to them but what was I going to do? Start failing?

Mom always made me wear my fanciest dresses that weren't quite ball gown grade. Her favourite was a white dress that stopped just short of my knees. It looked painted with the bright green and pink floral patterns scattered over it like a canvas. Around the middle was a black belt that buttoned together with a snap under a big black flower. It was slightly too small for me, but most of the dresses mom bought me were. Not that it mattered, I always got a new one each time anyway.

Before each ceremony we traveled to the shopping district and mom picked through until she found the perfect one for the perfect daughter she always wanted. Pulling it out she'd frown at the tag before diving in for the proper sizing.

"Something to strive for." She claimed picking out a size four instead of the six I needed and tossing it into the cart. "Remember the ceremony is in a week and we gotta fit into this." She paused her shuffle with the cart to look me up and down. "First you gotta quit packing so much food for lunch." She instructed turning back to the cart and continuing around the store. "You really only probably need a sandwich and then a snack. We gotta start cutting out all this junk food. It's making you fat."

"Thanks mom." I tried to end the conversation keeping pace about three cart lengths back.

"Well, I'm just telling you! Would you rather you not know?" She tried to rationalize as we passed a mirror lined pillar in the store. "I mean look at this." She led me over to it and squeezed the fat on my belly to show me.

Thanks for reminding me. I sunk away from her and started pushing the cart towards the front of the store. "I think we're done."

"Let me just take a quick look at the scarves and maybe the purses." She replied leading me over an aisle towards those accessories. "OOOOh wait! Don't you need bras?" She asked suddenly cupping by breast to check my sizing.

"I think I'm good for now." I shorted her pulling away.

"Nonsense you have some space down there. I think you need a smaller size. You don't want to look funny with your bar all dented in like that." She decided, leading me over another aisle. "Here, try on these ones." She tossed some solid colored full coverage garments towards me.

Great. I opened the dressing room, slipped out of my shirt, quickly I threw on each of the bras, took them off, and came out again. "They don't fit." I handed them back towards her. "Spillage." I summed up.

"You're not even gonna show me? Come on, put them back on." She instructed, handing them to me again.

So I went and put them on again.

"Oh Hey!!!" I heard her chime from outside the stall.

Great, a friend. I sighed twisting my arms around my waist to hide my belly from the full body mirror I was avoiding looking in.

"Running into you here! What's going on?" She loudly continued not waiting for a response.

Maybe if I just stand like this long enough it'll move my sides in tighter to my body. I hoped, tugging in to make an exaggerated hourglass figure. There, perfect. Well.... not perfect. There's still my birthmark, my differently sized nostrils, thick shoulders, tiny breasts, thunder thighs, far from perfect that's for sure. I loathed frowning at my features. Think I could just saw it off with a knife or something. No, that would undoubtedly kill me. On the other hand, I'd have that perfect body. I weighed my options before deciding against it. Obviously that isn't an option. Just have to wait until I'm old enough for liposuction.