Pucking Fantastic

Chapter 24: Goodbye Ellis da Souza

Look out for the <> for this emotional chapter!

I skated around the rink and felt the freezing foggy air hit my face. The morning fog around the ice rink was thick today, only allowing me to see a few feet in front of me. Being to the rink this early on a Thursday morning did have its perks. No one was here and I had the whole rink to myself to skate my heart out.

I was just glad that I was able to take a Uber here since my parents wouldn't take me. They stood at the top of the stairs in silence as they watched me leave the house. The look of disappointment was clear on their faces but I chose to not let it bother me. What they didn't understand was that I needed this. I needed to skate my emotions because unlike so many people around me, the ice would not judge.

Surgery was hours away and I needed the ice more than ever to decompress. I had so many thoughts flying through my mind. I was stressed, upset, angry, and emotional all at once. At least here, I wasn't forced to deal with my darker emotions since here I had to focus on the next move I was going to make.

I set up for a double loop and landed it with a bit of difficulty. It was clear that my mind was else where. I thought about the fight I had with my dad last night. It was messy, loud, and angry by time I closed that door to my bedroom. I shook my head. I felt like I was making enemies out of everyone.

I set up for a scratch spin and heard the rink door open. The sound of the metal bleachers creek as I pulled out of the spin to see Callum sitting on the bleachers, watching me. I frowned at him as I thought about our flight last night. Recently, he had been turning into just as much as an opponent as my family. 

I stared at him for a moment, reading him. I knew that he was here to talk 'sense' into me, but the thing was that I was the only one thinking logically. I was going to Nationals. This was my chance to shine and there was no other discussion.

With my head held high, I looked back at the ice, pretending that I didn't notice him. I knew what was coming but yet I wanted to hold back the dam for as long as I could. Maybe if I was lucky he would just go away on his own and the painful conversation would never be had.

I went and set up for a triple flip and landed on my butt instead. I had only been out here for 20 minutes but I found that I was quickly running out of steam. I had been fasting since yesterday night for the surgery and skating without food was hard. As the minutes ticked by, I could feel it taking its toll.

I stood up from the ice and brushed myself off. I needed to be more firm in my landings but my legs felt weak. I set up the jump again, and this time, before I knew it, I was hitting the ice with my butt harder then the last time. I laid on the ice and looked at up the metal ceiling of the empty rink in front of me. I had a feeling that my jumps wouldn't get any better than that.

I rammed the heal of my blade into the ice, causing a small pothole to be made. I shouted out in frustration. As much as I hated to admit it, this day wasn't the only day that I felt a stranger in my own skin. As the days ticked down to nationals, I felt myself struggling to get a grip on everything around me.

Even with the medication I was taking, my symptoms were getting worse. I felt myself getting more tired, stressed, blurred vision, and a few times, almost passing out. And when I was more stressed than normal, I started to hallucinate. I would see Callum, dad, my brothers, in places where they shouldn't be, saying things that they normally wouldn't. Deep in my bones I could feel myself falling apart. 

"Ellis," Callum called out to me.

I looked at him and noticed that he had moved to the boards where Kris normally stood. He pulled on his fur-lined coat and called out to me again. He didn't want to wait for me any longer. He looked tired and upset.