Lullaby | Brahms Heelshire |

Chapter 29

I'll awake in your arms

My mouth hung open like a broken gate. No. This can't be happening. My eyes kept flicking back and forth between the window and the key as if the answer would magically change. It didn't.

I'm pregnant.

"Danny?" Leah asked from the other side of the stall. "What's going on?"
I couldn't even respond vocally. I was completely speechless Like every word in my mouth had dried up and died. I flicked the lock on the door and slowly pushed it open. Leah's eyes frantically searched my face for an answer of some kind. I lifted the test and showed her the results.
"Oh my gosh!" She exclaimed covering her mouth. "You're going to be a mother!" Without a second to spare she threw her arms around me. I just stood absolutely motionless.
I'm pregnant.
"This is so exciting!" She went on, "Oh my gosh you can shop for cute baby clothes!"
Im pregnant
"And I wonder what gender it's going to be!"
My body felt numb as she rattled on and on till she realized how limp I was and suddenly stopped.
"Danny?" She asked, backing up an arms length so she could see my face. "Who's the father?"
The father? The words echoed in my mind and reverberated around. I couldn't tell her about Brahms. He was supposed to be dead. I've gotten pregnant by a man who doesn't even exist to the world. And on top of that he has also pretended to be a child for the past __ years. Oh gosh.... what have I gotten myself into? What was I going to tell everyone?
"Danny?" Leah's nervous voice reminded me I needed to answer, but I couldn't.
"Oh no." She covered her mouth with her hands. "Don't tell me... is... is it Andy's?"
The question threw me. "Andy's?"
"You know... from when he..... he....."
"Raped me?" My voice shook. I know he didn't actually rape me but he came close enough. I was about to tell Leah he didn't but stopped. What if this could be my cover? What if I could blame this on Andy? Would that be too weird? Not any weirder than the father of my child being a man I found in my wall.
I was at a loss. So I ended up not saying anything.
"Oh my gosh! I can't believe it!" Leah cried throwing her arms around me once again. "What are you going to do?"
I almost didn't hear her question because my head was spinning so much. What am I going to to do? Does she mean get rid of it? My stomach drips at the thought.
"I....I don't know..." I whisper nervously.
Leah's eyes search my face. "Danny you are looking pale. Do you want to go home?"
I was about to shake my head but stopped myself. I really should go home. I don't think I would be any help here. My head was too far away.
"Yeah.... I.... I need to think..." I said. Voice barely a whisper.
Leah nodded understandingly, and squeezed my hand. "It's going to be okay".
I hope she was right.
****
My hands shook violently as I pulled my key out of the ignition. My head was swimming almost as much as my stomach, and I wasn't sure if I was about to puke again or was just adjusting to earth shattering news. How could I let this happen?
I sighed shakily and looked up to the house. Was this any place to raise a child? Was I ready to be a mom? And was Brahms ready to be.... oh Brahms..... he just barely stopped thinking he was a child himself. I dropped my head on the steering wheel with a sob.
I couldn't handle this. Not right now anyways. I needed a hot bath and some tea. I took in a deep breath through my nose, feeling better now that I allowed myself a break. I glanced up at the House one more time, then stepped out of the car.
****
the house was quiet. I called out to Brahms a few times with no response. Not having the energy to go search for him, I made my way up to my room. Sunlight streamed through all the windows, causing dust motes to dance across my vision. I kicked off my shoes and tossed my jacket on the bed with a thump. I glanced around to see if Brahms was hanging out somewhere in here, but there still no sign of him.
I was a little relieved I didn't have to face him yet. I entered the bathroom and began to draw my self a bath. I turned the faucet I let the water run across my hand, constantly checking the temperature. Was I even allowed to have hot baths? Would that somehow damage the baby? Was that a dumb question? I sighed feeling stupid. I didn't know anything about pregnancy.
Once I found a temperature that seemed alright, I let the water run to fill up the tub. I undressed, tossing my clothes in a pile on the floor. Before turning to slide into the tub, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I froze at the reflection staring back at me. I glanced to my stomach and swallowed hard. I could hardly believe there was a child growing inside. What would it be like to be when my stomach was big and swollen? I raised a shaky hand to my navel and gently placed it where I knew I would swell. This felt so unreal.
A chill ran down my spine. There was so much I needed to learn about all this. I shook the thought out of my head and turned to the tub. Now was not the time for any of that.
I reached down, turned the faucet off and slid into the warm liquid.
The water was soothing, and the steam felt good against my face. I melted more into the water, submerging my hair and letting it flow around me. I focused on taking deep calming breaths, inhaling the steam.
My nervous thoughts were slowing slipping away when I felt hands gently caress my face.
Surprised, I shot up water dripping from my hair. Brahms stood above me, and my heart sank a little.
"Brahms", I sighed, "sorry you scared me!"
He dropped to his knees and caressed my face once again.
"You are so pretty Danny" he said. His finger began to trail down my chin, down my neck and toward my bare chest. I shuddered and scooted away. I was definitely not in the mood for this.
He reached for me again and I lifted my hand to stop him. "Brahms" I began.
He pushed my hand away. "Brahms!" I said a bit more forcefully.
His hand suddenly slapped around my wrist in a vice grip, and forced it away so he could touch me.
"Brahms!" I squealed nervously. "Please! I......"
With great force he suddenly lifted me out of the water and pulled me towards him. The pain from where he grasped me radiated like fire up my arms. Droplets of water streamed from my body and dripped to the floor creating puddles beneath us.
"I want you Danny. Stop being difficult." He seethed through clenched teeth. I squirmed in his vice grip, my fingers tingled till I couldn't feel them anymore.
"Brahms! Stop! I...... need to tell yo..."
He quickly readjusted me and lifted me higher in the air, my biceps screamed at his grip.
"DO NOT DISOBEY ME." His eyes had shifted and looked animalistic. The whirled and rippled scars on his face looked demonic in the dim bathroom lighting.
"Brahms," I sighed as tears flowed down my puffy face. "I'm pregnant."
The anger in his face was immediately wiped clean at my words and Confusion scrawled across in its stead. His eyes desperately searched mine, jumping back and forth across my face. They were full of shock and..... pain?
"What?" His voice was nearly a whisper.
I nodded, vision blurry with tears.
In a second his feral anger returned and without time for me to process what was happening, I was being thrown toward the wall.