The Nanny

Chapter Twenty Eight

Why do we know but act like we don't?
-Seeker

Amal

"Have you packed the..." Anisa spoke, and I cut her off:

"Yes I packed my medications and the gift you got me."

"Okay good. I don't want you to forget anything important," she said, looking rather worried.

"I won't," I replied. I sat on my bed and laid back, staring at the ceiling.

"I know you don't like it when I talk about Naveed." I looked at Anisa, who was sitting on the further end of the bed. "Tell me this, do you like him?"

"I do Anisa," I replied honestly. I thought to myself, what was the point of hiding it.

"Why don't you tell him?" She spoke, sounding far from surprised.

"I did."

"Well what did he say?" She asked and I immediately told her what had happened, the day I tried to confess my feelings to him. "Well you have to tell him again Mal. You can't go without knowing, maybe..."

"No," I said and sat upright. "I can't go through that again."

"Amal Ahmed Damari, listen to me for once."

"I always listen to you," I said.

"Well now listen attentively: you are going to live in a world of what if, remember you said that to me once, you will live a life of regret because you never truly gave him a chance to give you his answer," She spoke in a modulating tone.

"Anisa I can't re live the..."

"Oh please, put on your big girl pants and do it again and this time make sure he listens. Make sure you look him in the eye and tell him you want him to be the one you wake up to every morning." I felt my cheeks turn hot, blushing like a teenager who just heard her crushes name and immediately plans a wedding mentally. I got up from the bed. Removed my abaya from the closet and put it on, tied my scarf nicely and felt like the most determined person there ever was. Nothing could stop me.

"Thank you," I ran to Anisa and hugged her tightly.

"If it all works out, we might just have a double wedding," She said and let me go.

"Well I wouldn't count on that so soon," I told her. I rushed out of the house, called for a Lyft and waited for five minutes for the car to get here. I was impatient, I felt like every moment was crucial and nothing should go wrong. I wanted this to work out, I want to tell him and let him know. I needed to know how he feels.

I was impatient the whole way to the hospital, my leg couldn't stop shacking. I sat at the back of the car bitting my lower lip, and nervously and restlessly waiting to get there. I wanted to get out of the car at every red light, and walk, almost convinced myself I would get there faster by foot.

Finally, when the car pulled up in the drive through of the hospital, my heart was relived yet elevated at the thought of confessing my feelings to Naveed. Again. My thoughts muddled and heart beating as fast as it could. Legs getting heavier and heavier with every step I took towards Naveed's office. I stood outside his door, preparing myself mentally and emotionally. Whatever his response may be - I tried to imagine and prepare myself. But I knew if he didn't feel the same way... I would be heartbroken and that was the risk I was taking and ready to take.

I knocked on his door, repeatedly. But there was no reply. Tried to open the door, it was locked. He's not in, I concluded.
So I tried to call him...