Unravelling

Chapter 26 - Pandora's Box

It is as if time stands still after these words flew out of my mouth.

Josh is literally frozen in his spot. When I asked the question, he had his back turned towards me as he was looking out to sea. Now, I cannot see his face and it is making me crazy.

"Josh?" I whisper after what feels like an eternity has passed in utter silence.

The only sound that I can hear are the waves crashing against shore. Even the sea birds have stopped making their strange noises. It feels as if they have noticed that something is amiss. Now they are soundlessly circling the sky.

Josh doesn't move and that worries me.

Of course, I am aware that this was by no means an innocent question. But I have not been prepared for such a heavy of reaction.

Actually, I don't know what exactly I have been expecting. Let alone that this is not even the question I have initially planned to ask. What I actually wanted to ask about is Sean's mother.

Their mother?

Bringing up this random girl in the photograph has not been on the agenda at all. But judging by Josh's heavy reaction, this Sienna person must mean something to him.

Why else would he be acting so weird?

I close the distance between us, which is only a couple of steps, and slowly reach out my hand to grab his arm. My brother jumps as if my touch has electrocuted him. He whirls around and when our eyes meet, my heart instantly drops.

I have not seen a similar expression on Josh's face ever before. He is pale and his eyes are unnaturally wide as he stares down at me. A bit like a deer caught in headlights.

Actually, he is not really looking at me, but rather through me.

"Josh?" I again try to catch his attention.

All I want is to get any kind of reaction out of him that doesn't involve him behaving as if he has just seen a ghost. That haunted look on his face will forever burn itself into my memory.

"Josh, please say something!" I know that I sound desperate, but he is really starting to scare me.

A jolt goes through his body, but he still seems to struggle to focus his gaze directly onto my face.

"W-what did you ask?" he stammers.

I can barely make out his words as his voice is so low and sounds like he swallowed sandpaper.

"I asked who Sienna is," I cautiously repeat my question, anxious to see what will happen next.

I am certainly not prepared for the strangled, almost painful sound that escapes his throat. It reminds me of a wounded animal.

I watch as he lifts his hands and buries his face into them.

Is he crying?

I don't remember ever having consciously seen any of my adult brothers cry.

What is happening here?

Asking this question suddenly doesn't seem like a good idea anymore. I am not sure if I am ready to deal with such a distressed brother. Brothers, probably. Because if this question threw Josh off like this, I don't even want to imagine what it might do to some of the others. He is not exactly known to be a very emotional person. Rationality is more his thing.

After another awkward couple of minutes where I just stand there staring at him, Josh rubs his face. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and pushes his hands upwards and through his hair. He then lets his arms fall to his sides and goes back to looking at me with that vacant expression on his face. Almost like he is very, very far away with his thoughts.