Revisiting RadheShyam

Nectar

Radhe,

Will you believe me if I say that one moonlit night isn't yet over for me? Outside it's bright daylight, yes. But here, right in front of me is the Yamuna... brilliant in the moon's radiance. On its banks is pictured the most surreal scene I have ever known. Surreal because I know it is neither real nor unreal. The raas is done yes, but the ras of it lingers on.

It is this ras, this nectar of life that humans search for the whole of their lives. Some find it in dance, some in music, some in their work, some in worship, some in love. I find it in all of these, for all this stuff in Krishna's life corresponds to only one two-syllabic word. It is this nectar that defines, fuels and rejuvenates his existence. For slightly less diligent people like yourselves, that happens to be the first word of this letter. Yep, that one!

So yes, Radhe, even if you write just one word in your letter, that would do. Because it is not love's business to be quantified and measured. It is there in all forms and shapes and therein lies its beauty. Love is the maakhan-filled pot that Maiyya keeps ready for me, no matter when I come back. It is Dau's reassuring pat on the back, whenever there's the slightest hint of a crease on my forehead. It is there in the way Baba's face lights up when he sees me, back from a long day's work. It is in the secret disappointment of those gopis when their matkis reach home intact. Likewise, love is in the very ink Radhe decorates my letter with.

Now that doesn't mean you'll write all sorts of nonsense. Once in a while I like being cheesy too. Or buttery, rather. And coming to your question regarding the number of fangirls I have – well, many. As you have rightly noticed, I happen to be extremely lovable. I can see your 'Kanha-go-jump-in-the-Yamuna-please' expression quite clearly, but facts are facts Radhe!

Before you start accusing me of not giving the raas its due importance, let me clarify. Narayan would search for the right words when it comes to this, I am as the whole of Brij knows, just one abodh gvaala. Who am I to put into words a state even ecstasy would strive hard to describe? Just remember this much, Radhe. Kanha would, in the blink of an eye, trade a hundred lifetimes for one such moment of pure, unadulterated joy. Even years later, when the world around him would grow up, when the cooling of maakhan would be replaced by the heat of battle-fires, when the warmth of brijwaasis would be replaced by the twisted games of power-hungry princes, and among all this when Kanha would be all alone... it is this memory that would comfort him. It is this divine celebration of love, happiness, and all things good that would remind him of the sheer beauty that life has to offer.

We've been taught that each one of us is eternal. All of us have existed and will exist forever. If that is true by any chance, I would love to exist eternally as that gvaala dancing to the tunes of his gopi! That cowherd whose only world is his flute, the Yamuna, the moon, the kadamb trees, the music, the dance, the joy, and the essence of it all - his milkmaid. One off-topic comment is that the gopi looks like moonlight in pink-and-blue. And moonlight, your highness, is so gorgeous it makes everything it touches doubly beautiful!

One last thing, Radhe, don't you worry about me listening to more than you say. Trust me, I have to do this for like, almost the whole of this universe. Now don't take that too seriously and go on maun vrats or something.  I can listen to your mind and all, but poor little sweet voice of yours must not feel useless no? Please use that voice Narayan has given you, preferably for nice endeavors, like talking to yours truly.

Ending this here now, for Dau looks considerably troubled by the trance yesterday night's continuous replay in my head has put me into. Before he calls Maiyya and VaidyaJi, I must get up and going. I'm trusting your reply to this to take me back to dreamland again. More than ready, Gopi Ji!

Your bansiwaala,

Kanha.