Revisiting RadheShyam

TrilokSwaamini.

Meri Radhe,

All these days I've thought how it would be if you knew the whole truth. Not that it matters, for in your eyes love remains as infinite as ever, whether you know your own self or not. You knew your Krishn then, you know him now, and that's all that matters for he's you as well! But there were days I wished you could see for yourself how even a hundred years on earth are a mere moment in the eternal cosmic space that we inhabit together! To be attached to this world is to be full of sorrow, and that is something I couldn't see you being.

But I should've known meri Radhe would always play by the rules! Somewhere I'm glad you've chosen human life over ours – knowing the future isn't all that good anyway! In this life, that luxury isn't available to me. As much as I would love to, I can't live like a normal human who knows nothing of the future and has only the present to think about. It baffles me how humans are so privileged to not know the future and live simply, fully in the present and yet they choose to waste time worrying over the future. I wish I could shout and tell the whole wide world - KNOWING THE FUTURE ISN'T A BOON, IT NEVER IS! When something bad is coming up, it sucks the life out of you before it even happens. You look at everybody around you being happy and can't help but think of what's coming for them. When something good is coming up and you already know it, it deprives you of the overwhelming jolt of happiness you feel when it actually happens. Why would anyone ever in their right minds want this kind of a life? And yet, all around me, I see people trying their best to predict the future. I mean, what are you guys even high on? You've got one human life out of millions of other lives you could've got, and you waste it this way?! Oh Radhe, humans will always be beyond me and my petty understanding! 

Coming back to me, I try not to think about the future at all unless absolutely necessary and be as human as possible. And in any case, I have you who can just look at me and make me forget the three worlds, so who cares about the future? It is another matter that this very face consists of not just the three worlds, but the whole of the universe in itself - not just metaphorically for me, but literally - but you get what I mean right? One smile on that chandaa and it seems like the universe will be okay, I will be okay, everything will be okay.

So, I'm glad you chose not to see the upcoming. For you're none other than me myself, and I'm glad I have that luxury at least in some form of myself. Now that I'm no more a mystery to you, it's time for us to be leeladhars and to do what we do best - leela! So yeah, you leave the upcoming on me and enjoy what you have right now. Wait, what you have right now is me and well, you're free to enjoy that :)

Do I sound very different today? Ufff just a bit upset at the loss of my inside jokes! Gone are the days of me going "haan bolo!" at your "hey narayan!" I'll have to find new ones that are beyond you but I guess there isn't much stuff really beyond the understanding of trilok swaamini! :(

Wait that sounds so good right? Nothing beats "meri radhe" though! There's one variation of this that always gets me – that's maiyya doing some work and casually saying, "kanha, tumhari radhe aayi hai zaraa dekho toh!" I'm sure she knows what it means to me because she ALWAYS turns to check if I'm still alive and breathing like a human and haven't just melted onto the floor. Well, that's my bholi maiyya for you!

Only Lakshmi knows what I did to be surrounded with all sorts of innocents in this life – you, dau, maiyya, even baba at times and the whole of the gop-gopi gang! Which reminds me that it's deepavali in two weeks and like always real SiyaRam will have to play reel SiyaRam onstage. You ready, Site?

That said, looks like even mamashree is bored of sending demons now and there's no real adventure left for me. Maiyya says I'm much too old for stealing butter now and your girl gang is hardly troubled by any of my stunts now that they're so used to it all – aah I need something new to jerk all you guys out of your bored-to-death sleep! What say, Radhe, any ideas?!

Also, in celebration of our wedding and my gorgeous bride – I've made a full-course meal tonight and not just kheer! Poor Dau had to sit guarding the kitchen door all day so that Maiyya doesn't come to know of this, which she anyways did after the mess I left behind. Still wondering how dau is always the scapegoat no matter what happens... I mean I didn't even do anything this time! Anyways, one extra hug to dau today for his selfless service to us, really. You too get something to pamper him okay... aapke bhi dau hain after all!

So yes, dinner's on me tonight! Don't delay too much, I'll be right there at our favourite spot. Try not going too red when maa-baba ask you, and make sensible excuses for once, even though they'll see right through you. And don't bring your gang along please, I'm not a maiyya-level chef so I could only manage a little food. Their treat's pending for some other day, tonight is just ours, okay?

Yours always,

Kanha.

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Author's Note - In case it isn't clear, Radha now knows of her and Krishna's complete identity. But like the last letter from her said, she chooses not to retain the whole of her divine form like Krishna does, so that she can direct her complete focus on Krishna and doesn't have to think about the future or the whole world. Which means she knows she's divine but chooses to live like a human and play by the rules! So that in the end, it's her love that'll make her a goddess and not anything else.

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