Chapter 40

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The sky was a wonderful ochre hue, bathing the rooftops of Chicago to make them look like they were tiled with gold

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The sky was a wonderful ochre hue, bathing the rooftops of Chicago to make them look like they were tiled with gold. It was magnificent to look upon, but I knew my wonder and easy heart couldn't overcome mystification that was thick on my mind, no matter how beautiful the vista was before me. I studied the patterns in the clouds and the fading washes of pink and gold, as if the sky might give me an answer. Perhaps it would be written by the wisps of mist, or carved out of the heavy clouds by the dying sunlight. I had never thought when I woke up this morning that I could feel like this by the end of the day. Or that I could have my mind in such a state of disorder. But, then again, my life has always been full of surprises...

The morning of November 8th:

I awoke to the sound of bustling streets outside my window. I had slept later than usual and it seemed society had already risen to greet the day.

As always I didn't dally in bed, instead padding across the wooden floor, heading towards the bathroom. My mind was still filled with the events of last night. The conversation and warmth with the Masens, and the heat and anticipation I experienced during my brief moment with Edward. I was toeing a fine line between respectable and scandalous but I didn't much care. I may not have been sure about what my intentions were with Edward, but I did know that I enjoyed his company. I knew there was the ever-present question of whether I enjoyed his company for who he was, or whether my heart fluttered because of who he was to become. Did my breathing hitch because of the man close to me, or just because I had already fallen madly in love with his immortal counterpart?

I didn't know. I didn't even know how to find an answer; it was all too convoluted for my mind to decide.

I took a soothing breath before splashing my face with cool water from the basin. The rogue droplets splattered on my unconventional pyjamas of choice - an old band t shirt from Florida, and a pair of cut of plaid bottoms from Renée. I was a living juxtaposition to this place - the era I was once supposed to live through and fit into. But now, my private clothes were too freeform to coincide with the structure of this life, and my personal style was just a little off the mark. Perhaps that was why I didn't feel the urgency to be conventional and follow the rules. Maybe that was why I didn't fill out my dance card at the balls, or pass calling cards as personal greetings. I had experienced a future that was full of freedom and in away it had spoiled me. I found the little rituals like chaperoned visits and lunch box socials to be too constricting and oppressive. How could such an environment ever be conducive to true carefree fun?

I blew a piece of hair from my face and dropped my thoughts. It was too early in the day for such ramblings.

I continued to dress myself, leaving my hair free to fall where it liked along my back. My dress of choice was the deep plum one I had bought on the same day I met Edward in the park. I liked the rich tones of the fabric, although the combination of it with my navy Belmore coat was probably not the height of fashion.

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