Taming the Street Racer ✔️

14 | another man's arms

warning - self-blaming, self-deprecating, and hateful inner thoughts. this is only River's inner thought process and does not reflect reality.

♔ ♕ ♔

Humiliation feels like a weight pressing against my chest, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Every part of me is burning, with rage, confusion, sadness. As I look forward toward the road ahead of me, my eyes water with unshed emotion and all I can see is Grayson's emotionless gaze.

He played me. He used me and tricked me into thinking he wanted something more from us. And I fell for it.

The sweet words, the soft hands, the passion - it was all a ruse to just use my body. There's a stinging in my body, the shattered pieces of my heart tearing me from within.

I believed in him. I blindly trusted that he truly cared about me. And he manipulated me. My eyes lied to me, telling me there was something beneath that rough, angry exterior and I really have no one to blame but myself.

I did this to myself, letting someone like him in.

♔ ♕ ♔

Trevor looks like a newly adopted puppy, running around me and desperate to entertain me. I feel terrible, not able to kick the idea that I'm using Trevor like Grayson used me. But I didn't know who else to call, with Violet and Peyton out of town. I just need someone to talk to because I can't stand the thought of being alone right now.

I know that if I sit in the darkness of my room with only my thoughts to keep me company, my flood of emotions will overwhelm me beyond consolation.

To distract myself from my own demons, I look around Trevor's generously-sized room on the top floor of his house. Model airplanes, which I can imagine Trevor lovingly and painstakingly assembling, hang from the ceiling by white string. His bed is made up nicely, covered by a soft-looking navy blue comforter.

The room reeks of teenage boy and the contrasting image of Grayson's mature, monotone penthouse comes to mind. As much as the sight of Trevor's X-Men posters and childhood knick-knacks warms my heart, I feel desperately uncomfortable at the thought of being alone in this bedroom with him. My eyes flit back to his bed and I almost shudder.

"Hey, why don't we go down to your living room or something? We can hang out down there," I suggest, already moving toward his closed door. I don't remember him even closing the door.

He sits on his bed. "Don't be silly, Riv. We're pals, right? We can hang out in my chill zone. I'll nullify the "No Girls Allowed" sign on my door, so you're not violating any of my rules, don't worry." He winks at me but it looks more like a twitch. Watching Trevor wet his lips slowly, I realize I've made a terrible mistake.

Grayson's face is all I can think about and the walls of Trevor's room seem to be closing in on me, pressing against me. I take a deep breath, focusing on Trevor's harmless face and sitting down next to him.

I called him a little bit ago, giving an obviously made-up lie about needing to study for the upcoming calculus test. But he jumped at the opportunity, suggesting that I come over so he could help me study the material. When I knocked on his door, I didn't even have my backpack, but he didn't say anything.

"Trevor, I'm sorry for coming over so abruptly. It's just that I've been going through a lot and--"

He cuts me off by pressing his index finger to my open lips, quieting me. I stare in disbelief at him, about to tell him to get his fucking hands off me, when he smirks strangely.