Stuck...Lost...Alone

AUNT MARY And Jesse

I walk around aimlessly, stuck in my head until my phone starts ringing.
I answer without looking at the caller ID

"Reece! I'm glad you answered. I heard about what happened. Where you now so I can pick you up? " Aunt Mary asks

"Uhm I'm by the park close to home... or what used to be home"

"Oh! Reece dear I'm coming right now" she sounds so heartbroken. She just lost her brother. Aunt Mary lives alone. She lost her husband years ago in the Marines. Her only child Auqadora is in New York following her journalist job and won't be back until summer break. I guess she could do with some company hey?

A few minutes later I climb into her car.

"Reece dear I'm so sorry"

"No need to apologize Aunty. It was bound to happen sooner or later, guess it was sooner. The tension in the house was becoming too thick..you could literally cut the silence in half . Dora is in hospital fighting for her life. I hope she makes it. I miss her already."

"Aww dear don't try to hide those tears, let them all come out. "

But I don't cry. I don't have anymore energy. This is all tiring, I need a break, I need some peace from the voices in my head, I need to see Dora.
We get to her place. It's the same as it's always been. Pictures of our family visits and outings. Fun memories before everything changed, before Josh died. Dad still blamed me for it...how pathetic. I run my fingers crossed the picture of our whole family on Christmas I miss you Josh. Why'd you have to leave so suddenly? Why did you leave without a warning? Why did you have to break our hearts like that? You should have told me! I was your brother for Heaven's sake! I would have helped you in any possible way that I could. I so badly want to cry but the tears won't come. It's like I'm all dried up. Aunt Mary brings me something to eat. My favourites

"Thanks"

"No need to thank me dear. Tomorrow we going to visit Dora. The doctors say she's critical but she will survive. She lost a lot of blood. Jesse is coming over later. His the neighbor's child...oh and Jesse is gay, maybe..." She lets that sentence trail on

"Oh no Aunty! I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I just got dumped in one of the worst possible ways. I'm not ready for anything at the moment"

"Well if you say so. But I must say that Jesse is adorable and kind, he has a heart of gold. You'll be attracted to him. I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow."

What's up with adults trying to play matchmaker?
The doorbell rings. I open the door and I'm stunned into silence. Ohmigosh his so handsome!!! Oh gosh look at that body!! Mmmmh babe come make me forget!!!

"Uuuurh I'm Jesse. You must be Reece. Mary has told me so much about you. I'm sorry about what happened, my condolences to you. Can I come in now or you just going to stare with your mouth wide open like a drowning fish" he laughs. I start blushing

"Oh yea, Uhm come inside. Uhm Aunt Mary just went to Uhm go sleep. Nice to meet you." Oh gosh I'm embarrassing myself in front of the most handsomest gay dude I have ever set eyes on... I'm so happy until I remember John. Why'd he leave without telling me? Am I not important in his life? Was what we had not special enough to protect and prolong? Was I not good enough? Or he just wanted sex! The piece of shit took my virginity and fucking left...manslut.
I welcome him in and we start talking. Jesse came out the closet five years back. His father hated it so much he kicked him out. Saying his an abomination. His parents divorced soon after and his mom remarried. Jesse moved in with his mom and step-dad. Jesse goes to the posh school in town. Apparently his mom married a rich guy. His mom can't fall pregnant anymore so his the only child living there, they planning on adopting a few kids before the end of the month. His mom is a beautician (that explains the perfect makeup his got on.) He is a gay model and his just started his own blogging site about makeup,The Community and relationship.  I'm so jealous. Gosh he has his future figured out so well. Why can't I be like that?  It's so nice talking to him that I forget the days events. Until he has to leave and once again I'm on my own with my thoughts.

THE LETTER:
"Dear Reece.
I'm leaving. I didn't tell you that I have a family back home. I'm actually living a double life. I just wanted to have sex with you and have a great time...no commitment and no strings attached. I'm sorry for using you. I hope to see you one day..."  I tear the page into small pieces and throw them out the window. To hell with everyone and their letters. Y'all left me alone to suffer on my own. How do you expect me to move on? How am I supposed to pick up the broken pieces and mend my life back again? What if Dora dies? I'll be on my own! How do I move on Lord? How do I get my shiit together?! I fall asleep thinking of everything, not coming up with solutions.