Leather & Lace- THE SPECTER SERIES [book five]

Chapter FIFTY ONE

Lacey Paxton

Your leg bounces up and down, twitching with nervous tension as you stare at the surgery theatre-room door... Waiting.. You hate waiting.. Especially not when you would usually be on the other side of that door, performing the surgery..

Everything is so far out of your control now and you feel as though you are unravelling.. Coming apart at the seams at the idea of something going wrong.. And you know all to well the complications that could occur.. They swirl around your head causing doubt after doubt.

A warm hand settles over your knee, Stilling you.. "Child.. Stop your jiggling, you're making me dizzy.."

You wince apologetically, picking at the plaster cast on your arm, unable to look her in the eye.. She had been your first call upon arriving at the hospital earlier.. "Im sorry, Lori.. I should be better in a situation like this.. I just.--"

She squeezes your knee, looking at you with such soft kindness you almost burst into tears right there.. "You love him, there is no better way to be, dear.."

Your eyes flick back to the door, as if any second you might finally get some answers, answers you so desperately need.. "I love him so much.. This is all my fault, Lori.. I'm so sorry.. I'll never forgive myself--"

She hushes you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, her rosewater fragrance winding through the air to comfort you in a maternal embrace, your head resting on her shoulder as she pets your hair in soothing strokes.. "Shh, shh.. Come, child.. Listen here.. The good lord will never give us more than we are able to endure.. Whatever happens.. We will get through this, together, my little dear.."

You sniff, trying to push yourself into her optimistic mindset, instead of dwelling on your anxieties.. "I want to believe that so badly.."

She tucks your hair back behind your ear, her long hair fingernails scratching your scalp as her petting slows to a lulling rhythm.. "You are so alike.. Ace and you.. It is rather funny really, in so many ways you remind me of him.. Like two peas in a pod you are.. You know.. When that boy first came to me-- he was wild, untamed, oh, the poor lamb had been made to forage and fight for everything he had.. And even that wasn't much.. He'd never so much as received a scrap of affection, and of course he didn't know what to make of me.. It broke my heart every time he'd shy away.. If I ever moved too fast or closed a door too loudly, Ace would disappear for hours, sometimes days.. On occasion I'd catch him stealing food from the pantry to hide away.. Just in case it all went away on him.."
You remain still in her arms, letting your eyes drift close, listening to her reminiscing and trying to imagine a teenage Ace.. Angry and afraid of the world.. Its a picture that you just can't quite imagine.. "You see, in his mind, at any second it could just vanish.. He couldn't trust in the love I had for him.. It took him months before he'd speak more than two words to me.. Even longer before he'd call me his mother.. Not until I had proved to him I wasn't going anywhere.."

She hums thoughtfully.. "Oh Lacey, he was the dearest child, so kind to the other children, so patient and protective.. I knew beneath it all, the anger and the attitude.. He had the sweetest soul.."

You sigh together.. You know that's true.. There is a sensitivity to Ace that makes him so easy to love.. To adore.. You think of Lori's children and how this could affect their young lives before your heart breaks all over again, but she doesn't give you pause to loath yourself any more.. "Hmm.. He met your brother on his first tour of duty.. Did you know? Of course he wouldn't give me all the details of his time overseas he hardly ever speaks of it.. But I just remember him coming home.. Different.. Lighter.. I know you wouldn't expect a young man to return from the front lines of war with a spring in his step.. But I swear that was what happened.."