It has always been you!

Chapter 30

Flashback:

"I am sorry that I called you such urgently but it was something really important." Umer apologized as soon as sat in front.

"It's not an issue but we'll have to be quick," I told him and he nodded understandingly.

"Aleyha, I know we both will be starting a new life from tomorrow but, before making any promises to you, I want to tell you something. I hope you'll understand me and the situation I am in. Please, first just listen to me; I'll tell you everything and then the final decision will be yours, whether you want to still go with the nikkah or not."

" What is it? You are worrying me, Umer." I asked, failing to hide my uneasiness.
" Aleyha, no one knows I am here with you. All my family never wanted me to tell you this but I cannot ruin anyone's life," he voiced out, not looking at me but at his wringing hands; he seemed really anxious at the moment as if having a war with himself.
" What is it, Umer. Please tell me openly." 
" I am already married, Aleyha," he confessed, exhaling out harshly to rid away the pressure he had, while my face paled as my breath stuck in my throat. 
"What?! Mar...married?" I spluttered, finally processing his words.
" Yes. But there is nothing between us as I am soon going to divorce her. She is still in America. She doesn't want to live with me anymore because apparently she no longer feels that spark with me," he smiled mockingly. 

What was not hidden in that smile- hurt, betrayal, hopelessness and most importantly, pain- the pain of unrequited love. Who else can better recognise these expressions more than me?

I opened my mouth to say something- what should I say? Console him? Or rebuke him for hiding the truth? 

But at least he is more honest than you, Aleyha! Tum konsa pyaar ki wajah se ussey shaadi kr rahein thein. Tum kis muh se apney liye insaaf mango, uska dil mango jabkey tum janti ho tum khud bhi usko dhoka de rahi hun.

"Before you say anything. I just want you to know that my family knows but my father doesn't; he wants me to marry as soon as possible and my mother and sister fully supports him because for them marriage is the only way with which I would be able to move on. I was adamant about not marrying. I would have convinced my mother and sister but not my father. My sister wanted me to marry her husband's sister but nor do I like that women neither I am into 'Watta-Satta'. Then my father presented me with your proposal for which I agreed because I wouldn't have ever married my sister's nand. My mother had come to terms with it that at least I have agreed to marry but my sister is still against it. So she might be a problem, but I know how to deal with her. And, I am not just saying it but I promise that I wouldn't let any problem or harm come to you whether it be about my past or my family; you will have no pressure of any sort from my side. Yes, I'll need some time to love again but my loyalty and all your responsibilities would be mine. Rest, it's all your decision."
"Umer, I don't know what to say. You should have told me this when this rishta was being confirmed." I sighed, my mind and my heart were in their same old battle, which Umer couldn't have ever realized.
" I wasn't able to muster up the courage, Aleyha. I am sorry. But would that have mattered? I mean the decision you will take now would still be the same, right? But, yes, if it's about what the others will think and about your family and relatives then that's not the problem. I am ready to take the blame if you say no to this proposal. It is the least I could do to compensate my cowardness."
He was right. It didn't matter anymore whether he was married or not. I closed my eyes and the whole of Wali's scenario played in front of me.

You have made the decision, Aleyha. Don't back off now. Also, he is divorcing his wife so there shouldn't be any problem. Moreover, it's good for you in a way. His heart belongs to someone else. And your heart...it, also, is not in any condition to fulfil the demands of what a husband wants from his wife...whatever it is, at least, you wouldn't feel guilty of not giving your hundred per cent to this relationship and your husband.