THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - REGRETS

Blake POV

Work, eat, sleep. That's my every routine of my life. It's always repetitive like it forms a cycle everyday.

I don't know when Lila left me without any trace. I feel like my whole world crumbles. I know I can never be whole again.

Every day passes like a blur but I can't seem to get her out of my system. She's in stock there and I don't have any plans to unattach her there.

My parents,after she left, that's the only time they realize how lucky I am to have Lila as a wife. My mom keeps blaming herself for what happened.

She said if she did not intrude or showed me the pictures she would still be here by my side.

My parents thought at first in our marriage that she would stay and choose me because I have money, fame and power. I even convinced them many times that it's not but I guess my convincing ways did not falter their judgement of her. So when my mom got a hold of those pictures, she thought that all her assumptions were right after all and she didn't hesitate to show it to me.

Which made me feel more useless after every piece of events gives me a sudden realization. I am too blinded by hurt, and betrayal didn't see the lapses.

How the hell did I end up believing it without performing an investigation to check if the story is right? Am I that low?

I guess I am, that's for sure. I have so many regrets that sometimes it makes me want to shut myself.

Days, months and years gone. I feel like a zombie living, breathing but with no dream, no happiness. What keeps my heart shattered is that every time I remembered signing those damn papers. Why did I not doubt it?

And when she said she won't ask anything or alimony from me. Why did I not change my mind? And then she showed me those agreements negotiated instead of alimony. She would rather have my ink than my money. I even doubted my paternity of my own child?

Child? Is he or she? I wonder! Will she or he call me daddy? What does she/he look like?

I feel like a useless father who never got to know his child. What's even more crucial is that I signed a waiver for the consent of my own child.

Why did I think that it's not mine? My wife she's the most amazing woman in the world. She rocks my world and supports me every step of the way. When things get rough and I feel a surge of stress, she is always there to remind me that it's ok to be tired. I just have to take a rest and after having a long good sleep it will vanish like thin air.

For the four years that we have been together. I just traded it for only a few pictures. You don't know how low I think of myself right now. If not for constantly reminding myself that one day I will come to see her again. I will find her and bring her back where she belongs.

I missed her touch, her laugh, her giggles in every corner of our house. When she's gone, the house lost its color and the ending silent that always reminds me how stupid I am. My life would never be the same again, if she's not here with me.

I lost in my thoughts of her when suddenly my phone chimes. I saw Evan's name flashing on the screen. I am grateful that during my most difficult time my friend Even never left my side. As for Damien, who's my best friend in college who is currently residing in another country. He still keeps tabs on me. His wife Mikaela was so upset with me,after I told her everything. She didn't speak to me only this past few months. I keep telling her sorry for what I did to her best friend.

She even threatened Damien if he did something like that to him. He can kiss goodbye to everything, cause she won't hesitate to leave him, earning a protest from my dear best friend who's very whipped beyond belief.

I would never think he could turn into such a whipped husband but when I saw my best friend giving that kind of look to his wife. I feel a sudden deja Vu cause I know I have the same reaction when I see my wife.

When she appears unannounced in my office or even shows in the field while practising, I swear my heart pounds like crazy each time I spot her. No matter how many years we've been together, when I am away from her even just for an hour I miss her.

That's why the feeling I have right now is killing me. Every emotion I am feeling buried down inside my heart. I am missing my wife so badly that sometimes my mother says that I am crazy cause I swear I saw my wife in the kitchen walking and cooking in there.

God, I will trade everything if it means I can hold and see her again. I miss her so damn much that I hated every second I was away from her. Because even if I tried to avoid thinking about the possibility of my wife having someone special right now I know I am just a scared bastard afraid of completely losing her.

I just blindly hoped that she's still thinking of me. I know it's too low for me to think this way after everything I've done to her. But God I swear I will do anything just to turn back the hands of time and correct my mistakes.

One thing I am certain about is that if I gotta see her again. I will never let her go or out of my sight. I will stay glued to her no matter what. If even she's going to hate me I don't care. I will show my wife that I love her and that I am regretting letting her away from me.