Little Secrets, Little Bucky

Rough Day

Y/n had been busy all day. Very, very busy. There was paperwork that needed to be done by the end of the day and she was scrambling to finish it before Bucky got back. He'd had a truly awful day and to make matters even worse he hadn't gotten to be little in an entire week. She knew that when he got back to their floor he'd start slipping fast, whether he'd admit it or not.

She entered the last form into the system and let out a heavy sigh as she shut the computer. She hated paperwork. After she had eaten a snack and was putting her empty plate in the dishwasher she heard Bucky come up in the elevator. He looked exhausted, shoulders slumping with a far-away look in his eyes. He walked over to the couch in the common area and slumped onto it, staring at the ceiling.

Y/n walked over to the couch, prompting Bucky to look up at her. "You doing okay?" She asked, already knowing he wasn't. Bucky nodded his head trying to give her a smile but it didn't come out quite right. "Did the day get any better since lunch?" Bucky had texted her while he was eating lunch, telling her about the horrible start to his day. He'd been sitting through meetings about Hydra for his entire work day and had managed to completely mess up his most recent mission report so he had to rewrite the whole thing.

"No," he quietly admitted, "I had to get my arm looked at because it was making a weird noise." Y/n winced sympathetically, knowing how much he hated having people mess with his prosthetic. "And Tony and Bruce weren't in the lab so I had to have this Shield lady do it," he took a deep breath, "and she stabbed the scar tissue with a tool on accident so now it's sore."

"Jesus, you just can't catch a break can you?" She said, trying to lighten the mood, but Bucky just shook his head and let out a shaky breath. "What can I do to help, Buck?" She knew what he needed, but she wanted to know if he was ready to admit it yet. They were having movie night with Steve and Sam later and although she knew they wouldn't mind Bucky being little she also knew that he didn't really believe that yet.

He gazed up at her with pleading eyes, unsure if it was ok for him to ask for what he wanted. Because what he wanted was Mama. He wanted her to make his shoulder stop hurting and get him in pajamas even though it was only 3:30. He wanted her to give him a bottle and hold him while he took a nap on her shoulder, wanted her to give him his blankie and tell him that he didn't need to act like a grownup right now, that he could be little. But the absolute last thing he wanted to do was be a burden on her. If he let himself go little right now she'd hate it. He'd been bottling up his emotions all day and knew that the second he let go all the way he'd start crying. No one liked dealing with a crybaby.

Y/n realized as Bucky stared up at her that he wouldn't be able to ask for what he needed. "Do you want me to baby you for a while?" She asked gently, "I can take care of your shoulder, and then we'll get you all cozy and fed so you can take a nap before dinner."

"No," he averted his eyes down to his lap, "I'm fine, I probably just need a shower." She shouldn't have to deal with him. If he just held it together a little longer he'd eventually make it to his bed, where he could cry all he wanted without inconveniencing anyone else.

"If you can look me in the eye and say that, then I'll let you go," she said, knowing he was lying. She wasn't sure why he was lying, but that could wait. Right now she needed to get him to admit to what he needed.

He looked up, trying with everything in him to hold it together. She was looking at him with so much understanding, he felt tears well up in his eyes and his breath hitched as he held them in. "I...I don't need," his voice broke. "I..." a sob escaped and he looked away from Y/n, trying to get himself under control. Another sob escaped him as he squeezed his eyes shut and he covered his mouth with his hand, attempting to stay quiet so that he wouldn't get hurt. His 'mommy' had made it very clear that making noise while he was crying was even worse than the crying itself. If he stayed quiet he'd be less of a problem.