Little Secrets, Little Bucky

Happy Birthday Bucky!

Bucky woke up the next morning in the Disneyland hotel. He went to take a shower and threw on some sweatpants and one of Y/n's old shirts. He'd never admit it out loud but it comforted him to wear her clothes, and it wasn't like anyone knew it used to be hers anyway. He left the bathroom and stood in shock at the sight in front of him. Steve and Sam had come out of their room of the hotel suite and were arranging a massive pile of gifts on the ground in front of the bed he was sharing with Y/n. She was standing behind them, giving clear instructions on how to arrange the many boxes and bags in front of her.

"What's going on?" Bucky asked, startling all three of his friends.

"Happy birthday!" Y/n said suddenly, smiling widely as Sam and Steve echoed her. "We kinda thought you'd take longer to get ready."

"These are all for me?" He asked as he walked over to sit on the bed, completely in awe of the obvious effort that had gone into this.

"Of course!" Sam said. "These ones are for big you-" he gestured to the main pile, "-and these are for little you." The second pile was smaller, but Bucky wasn't the least bit upset about it. He was shocked that they had bothered to get him anything!

"The pile for little you is smaller because we're going to buy you all kinds of stuff at the gift store today," Steve explained. "You wanna start opening some of them?"

Bucky was frozen, trying his best to process what was happening. There was just so much love and acceptance that was implied with these gifts, it was almost too much for him to bear. He was immeasurably grateful and completely overwhelmed.

"Buck? You alright?" Y/n asked softly, noticing the shift in his demeanor and the bittersweet smile on his face.

"You know what I did last year?" He asked quietly, confusing the rest of his family with the sudden change in topic. "After we all had cake?"

"You went to your room cause you were tired," Steve said, recalling how he'd unsuccessfully attempted to convince him to stay.

"I wasn't tired." Bucky took a deep breath, blinking away the tears in his eyes. "I hadn't regressed in two months, and I could feel it coming whether I wanted to or not. So I locked myself in my room and I cried until I passed out around one in the morning."

"Oh Buck," Y/n breathed out, heart aching at the idea of her baby crying all alone in the dark. She couldn't imagine how desperate he must've been for comfort and how painful it must've been to not receive it.

"I don't know what to do with all this," he said in a broken voice. "I never thought that I could have even one person that would ever love that part of me. And now I have three and it's just so much." A few tears escaped and slipped down his cheeks, and Bucky wiped at his eyes, laughing a little through the tears. "God I don't even know why I'm crying. This is kinda pathetic isn't it?"

"It's not pathetic," Sam said softly, going to sit by Bucky on the bed. "I think we all forget sometimes how overwhelming it is for you to be loved like this."

Steve came to sit on Bucky's other side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We probably should've spaced all this out, huh?"

Bucky nodded, a few more tears escaping as he did. Y/n finally snapped out of her head and came to stand in front of him, guiding his face with one hand to look her in the eye.

"As long as you'll let me, I'll make sure you never spend another night little and all alone," she said, emotion in her voice proving her sincerity. "I promise."

Bucky felt himself settle as he basked in her promise. A promise that he knew would never be broken or forgotten. He studied her face, taking in the adoration in her eyes and the sad smile on her face. He understood in a way that he didn't before that her sadness was not born out of pity, but out of love for him.