By Chance In Oxford

8. Athena

I stared at the women encased in the glass of the mirror before me and could only believe she was a figment of my imagination, a deception my subconscious created to prove only my worst insecurities, to prove to myself that I could never be beautiful, as beautiful as the women she was. Though skeptical it was only proven that this woman, she was me. I was staring at my reflection, she was real, never had I felt my individuality so oppressed, in the best of ways, like a part of me I had never wanted to show anyone had finally made its debut. I felt alluring, captivating, like my fairy godmother had come to give me an unforgettable night at the ball, just without the glass slippers. My trance ended with a wetness caressing my cheek, a tear. I managed to let out a light whispering laugh out of joy, in all 20 years of living, I never thought I could look this way. I stared one last time hoping that maybe if I did I would find my mother standing behind me with her hand on my shoulder telling me how proud she is of me, and how she thought I looked. The dress was already too much of a miracle, I can't have everything, some things are just too far off from reality, meant to stay a fantasy. The dress fell perfectly on me, as if the fabric was just another layer of skin I had just grown, perfectly sealed to every curve, every bump, every perfection, and every flaw I had. What would he think of me? Who am I kidding? I barely know who he is and I'm worrying about what he will think when he sees me in the dress. What would my mom think? Or my dad, what would he say, about this dress, about my life, about everything I have been doing lately. The thoughts swarmed around me and felt inescapable, like for once I had realized just how disappointed I was in myself all the time, like I'll never exceed the standards myself and everyone else have for me. Once again I was interrupted by the feeling of cool rain drops hitting my skin, great! While upset that it is raining, I also felt it was beautiful, and I felt the urge to jump in puddles in my dress, but god only knows how much this dress costs. I figured it was a better idea to stray away from ruining something I could not afford in a lifetime. I waited at the top of the stairs on the front porch after saying goodbye to Annalise as she stared back at me with a smile as if to say she was suspicious and wondering what I was doing. The Bentley was loud, much like the driver's ego and personality. He walked out of the car, "How 'bout this weather? I guess the sun got upset that your beauty would outshine it so it decided to hide beneath the clouds today. You look stunning." I blushed even in the cool weather as he smirked and kissed my hand. "Lorenzo", I replied. "Athena.", he said. "You don't look so bad yourself. Thank you.", I replied as he opened the car door for me. We sat in the car side by side for a few moments before the car moved. I stared into his eyes in hopes he would get the hint that I was introverted and had a difficult time talking to him. "So why? Why did you want to go on this date in the first place? I mean nothing to you! I am nothing compared to you! You're rich, successful, powerful, incredibly handsome and attractive. And I'm just a nanny from Georgia who barely fits in here, who doesn't have a stable job and hasn't even graduated from college and you're here with me. Why? How do you notice me? I'm low compared to you, compared to any other girl you could have that would significantly uplift your image and your success but instead you're walking with me on your arm, even if it's just for the night? I'm just shocked, I thought you would never notice someone like me.", what did I just do? Was I too strong, was I yelling? I just needed to tell him how I felt, get it off my chest before things got too serious if they ever did, I needed him to know how I feel. I looked away from his eyes and stared out the passenger side window into the glass covered in tear drops. I felt a soft, warm skin clutch my chin and turn my head back towards his. "You really think I never notice you? You think that in a million years a girl like you would never make me turn my head for a double take? You really think that in this short time since we met I haven't been in misery, tormented by my own thoughts. Constantly asking myself what you are doing to my mind? Why every single thought has been about you, how every single thing has reminded me of you? I have noticed it all, every part of you, every single thing you do. How your hair always falls perfectly down your back and always has a slight wave at the very end. How you place your hands at your side and rub them on your hips once before clenching them into a fist every time you are nervous. How you smile with your teeth when you are happy but without your teeth when you are nervous. How you would jump in front of a train for that child. How you can look at something so simple like a painting of a butterfly and describe it with such depths as if you have just seen heaven or went to the ends of the universe and survived the trip back to tell the story. How you plant your eyes into a book and how I'm almost certain you zone into worlds that no one can. How you see the good in others and always try to help where you can. How you tuck your hair behind your ear. How parts of your hair twinkle back in the sunlight revealing strands of red shouting back. How you dress. How you speak. How your creativity shines. The way your hair smells like something that doesn't belong on planet earth but rather an alternate universe of nature and beauty. Athena I have noticed it all, and what I said wasn't even half of what I have noticed about you. I have even noticed your name, how fitting and beautiful and unique it is. For once in my life I feel ok to let go, to let someone else have control over me instead of me always holding the control and the power, for once I have wanted someone else to enter my life. I may be rich, I may have power, but that doesn't mean that because I am one way that I need someone like that as well. I couldn't care less if you were richer than me or if you were homeless. I think you are beautiful and you have a pure heart. I don't want someone with power, I don't want someone who will "LIFT MY IMAGE" I want someone like you. Someone who is different from the other girls. Someone that doesn't just fall at my feet, try to seduce me, or have their father try and arrange a marriage for them just because they want fame, riches, and success. I have searched the ends of the earth unwillingly for someone like you to hit me figuring I would know when they came along, each time I have been brutally unsuccessful, but when I met you, I knew you went deeper than the beautiful deep brown abyss your eyes carried me into. So stop second guessing everything, stop doubting yourself. I want to be here, I'm making an effort which is rare in itself. I want this, I want to learn about you, share things with you. I chose you. I don't know if that is enough to put you at ease but just know that I don't care who you are or what your status is, I just came here for you.", he pleaded as if he was trying to convince god to let him into heaven. The worst part of this confession or whatever you want to call it, every single thing he said was true. Everything he noticed about me, everything he said he saw when he met me, it was all true, it was all real. It was stuff I didn't even notice about myself, minor details that I never paid any attention to. Here he was though, in all his glory just proving my point of trying to give people a chance, of trying to give myself a chance to love instead of always closing down because I got love stolen from me by the two most important people in my life, my parents. I began tearing up again. I couldn't fathom why I was being so emotional today, normally i never cried, I just bottled things up and pushed through because that's what my lifestyle often required but here in this moment, years of passion, hope, love, curiosity that I had locked away hoping for someone to come and display again were slowly painting a canvas that had been blank for so many years. "Sorry I'm getting so emotional. I'm normally not really an emotional person. It has been like this all day, all because of you and gestures you perform, I just get so choked up. You don't understand. I'm emotional because no one has ever put so much effort in for me. No one has ever cared, or taken interest in the fact that I actually exist. That's why on the phone I barely said anything about the dress, and the wonderful necklace I knew I wouldn't be able to let out a sentence without sobbing, I didn't want you to think I was weak. I'll tell you more about my life but to keep things brief, I have never felt loved, not by one person. I was tossed around by tons of people trying to fix the immense damage caused by the two most important people in a child's life, their parents. I was constantly moving from heart to heart and never felt that anyone had any interest in me. I rode alone, trying to get by, always trying to just make people proud, I fended for myself and tried where I could to make life better though it never seemed to work. Pretty dresses, glamor, meeting a handsome guy outside who is then going to take you to dinner, those are things I never knew before, things I thought only existed in movies because life was too rough to ever imagine having them for myself. I stood in front of the mirror today at a woman I couldn't quite believe was me, I had never known that I could look that way, that years of never allowing myself to feel pretty were finally over. Someone else had wanted to treat me and make me feel beautiful. You'll never know what this dress, this gesture did for me, never. I felt loved, like for once I wasn't just someone's mistake, someone's hassle. Like for once I could let go and try being beautiful, I was noticed, and that is more than anyone could ever do for me in a lifetime. Thank you.", I replied safely. He leaned forward and kissed my cheek before saying, "You're here now, I notice, you're blinding in only the good ways and I don't know how anyone could have missed that before. It's like missing the north star or the moon while stargazing, you only miss it if you don't know how to approach it, or dont know who the star is." He pulled the car out of the driveway, the ride to wherever he was taking me was long, feeling like hours, in a peaceful way. Most of the time I glanced out the window at the scenery that appeared to take me towards the downtown area of England, a gorgeous one. Every so often I would find myself feeling as though I was being watched before turning to find my gaze locking with his. This felt too good to be true, like I was in a storybook, a fantasy or a remake of Cinderella. I felt so cared for, so protected, so... loved. Approaching a beautiful tall building that seemed to have touched the clouds, literally because a small part of it was engulfed by fog. Lorenzo walked out of the car and quickly ran to the other side to grab my door. He reached forward and grabbed my hand as I walked out, he stood in front of me and said, "You look perfect. Do you need my sunglasses.", signaling me to check my reflection in the black glass of his shades as the setting sun provided a perfect lighting to look into. I shook my head and let out a soft giggle, to which he said, "I'm sorry, I just figured maybe you would want to check how you looked, my dad never left the house without sunglasses so my mom could always check, I figured I would hold you to a standard as high as that. We walked in as two large man greeted him in tuxes and earpieces, "They are ready for you upstairs Mr. Colombo.", the man said with a voice so deep. What did he own the place? Everywhere he went he had security, and this place was empty, as if he had kicked everyone out so we could have the night. He took me into the glass floored elevator and reaching the rooftop I was greeted with a breathtaking view that sent the message that everything I had ever gone through was in fact worth it, that things like this truly exist. A balcony overlooking the sunset on the cityscape, a small table with candles and plates of exquisitely presented food unlike the cups of alcohol my dad would set out for my "dinner" because he was "too busy" to go grocery shopping. A record player stands its ground on a small cement pillar playing the most romantic music. My knees were weak, I felt myself slowly melting like I'd be a liquid on the floor if someone didn't get me a chair and an ice pack in ten seconds. I stood there with a numb expression on my face waiting for someone to say, Athena wake up. Lorenzo pulled out the chair for me and I sat down as he sat in the chair across from mine. Picking up his glass he said, "So, what do you think, good first date spot? I wasn't really sure what you liked or what you thought was romantic bu-" I cut him off, "Just kiss me already! It's beautiful, it's ours, it's everything I could have ever asked for and more. It's the first date I dreamed about as a little girl." "Mission accomplished." I sank back into the chair and sighed a deep and joyful sigh as he began smirking at me. If you told me this was heaven, I would believe you.