By Chance In Oxford

22. Lorenzo

My skin felt like it was peeling from my tissue, I was nervous, me, I was actually nervous. I couldn't imagine myself 4 or 5 years ago being here going to a ball for the man I'm supposed to call my father. I was just thankful I had a beautiful girl on my arm, someone that consistently calmed me down and made me feel at peace. As much as I needed her there for me I also wanted her to enjoy tonight, this was like her real big time event with rich people, loud talking, under the table business deals, snobs, and a night out on the town for real, or so she said. I wanted her to have fun as well, I wanted her to be here and hopefully tell me she had a good time when it was over, I however would not say that, as I knew what was coming for me, nothing good could come out of this when it was people like my father involved. Pulling onto the runway the jet I had prepared was waiting for us, I watched as her eyes widened, like a kid entering a candy store. "We're taking this!?", she said, gesturing to the giant plane standing before her. The good part was she had never experienced these kinds of things and it felt so accomplishing to be the one to provide her with the experience, it felt good to know that I could provide an outlet for her to do so many fun, new, exciting things she had never before. "What? Did you think I was going to let you ride economy, not when you look that good.", I replied as I got out and walked to the other side of the car. "I can't believe this, I've never been on a private jet before! It's beautiful! Stay with me, promise me you will, I get a little anxious when on planes, when I came to England for college I had to bring a giant blanket and wrap myself in it so I didn't have an awareness of my surroundings, there's just an anxiety that comes with not having a safety net, if that makes sense, it has nothing to do with the heights because I love heights, it's just planes themselves, so I'm sorry if I'm a little unusual acting when we take off.", she said like a little kid explaining why they needed to sleep with a night light and a stuffed animal. Whenever she spoke to me, everything came out so innocently, like she was afraid I would hurt her, or like she really was a kid, but I find myself always reminding myself how hard she had it growing up, how broken she really is, and then I remember that she isn't such a child after all, that she had been to war, and she was ripped up, probably left to spend the rest of her life patching everything up, hopefully I could help with that. "So you're asking me, to be attached to you, to stay with you, to come near you. Come on, that's what I live for love, couldn't have given me a more difficult job? I'm here for you regardless, everyone has their fears, their discomforts, stuff that makes them uncomfortable, as the love of your life I accept that challenge, and it's my job to be there for you.", I replied, carrying her bridal style up the small set of stairs into the jet. I adjusted the seating so we would be next to each other on one long seat, similar to a couch, with a place to rest our feet. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible as we were in for a pretty long ride. The door closed and we were ready to take off, I watched as our car was driven away. The plane ride was quiet, mostly us watching the sun begin to set, cuddled up on the couch seat, me reassuring Athena that we would be ok ocasinaly. We landed and my stomach was tied up in a knot. "We are here, Lorenzo, what's wrong? Don't get all nervous on me now, look at you! Remember who you are, you have nothing to worry about, don't stress yourself out like this!!", she said as I started pacing up and down the aisle of the plane, shaking, sweating, and cracking my knuckles. She noticed it, I wasn't sure if it was because I was making it obvious or if she just had experience and a heightened attention to detail. I didn't want her to notice, to think that I was weak, I wanted to be there to protect her, and who I was called for everything but this kind of behavior. But this was hard, "I know, I know. It's just rough, I never wanted to do this, to put myself into such a situation but what choice do I have? I'm just nervous I won't be able to control myself around him, bite his head off or something.", I replied, trying to convey my emotions to her. She grabbed both of my hands and stood firmly in front of me leading me down the stairs onto the runway. The sun had fully faded and the air of Italy was running through my veins. It felt just as much like I was home as it felt like I had just entered hell. Everything about it was just as I remembered it and I haven't even reached the city yet. The ride in the black Cadillac was too quick, leaving me wishing I could go back to the runway. We were here already. The city itself hasn't changed much, the same old buildings, grasslands, lights, restaurants, shops, and houses. That was even at night when it could be hard to see so I couldn't imagine what it might look like during the day. What had changed however, was my father's house. It was nothing like the one I spent a sliver of my childhood living in. It was huge now, and contemporary, nothing like the town house my mother had picked out with him, she had loved the ivy crawling up the walls and the beautiful landscaping. Now it was a beige box with black trimmed windows and way too much glass, with tons of lamps, a pool, and an overpriced landscaper, clearly. I hated it, it was so... rich... it was too much for the neighborhood and it looked nothing like what it originally was, he destroyed everything my mother had wanted, it looked like a house that an american fraternity would host a frat party in. Reason #1 of the night why I didn't like him, and wanted him dead. Walking out of the car I tried to prepare myself for what was to come, giving Arturo direction for where to take the car because I refused to use the valet service, in the event that I needed to make a quick escape and get the hell out of the house I needed him and our car ready. Just to make matters worse, Athena looked like she was stapling herself to the seat so she wouldn't have to get out, like all her excitement had quickly become nerves. "You ready for this, champ?", I said hopefully trying to distract all parties from the fact that we were in fact so nervous, try to just get us to not think, to just jump into it, freefall, and get this dreadful night over with as quickly as I possibly could. "What do they say? Ready as I'll ever be?", she replied apprehensive, clearly trying to stall. I kissed her deeply and we headed to the door. Walking in was nothing like what I had expected, aside from the fact that the house looked completely different on the inside just as it did on the outside, I was shocked at what I was greeted with when we stepped inside. Most of these kinds of parties included loud music, fluorescent lights, people talking, glasses from the bar clanking together, and an overall hype energy in the room. however, this was different, totally different. standing before me was a giant Ballroom bigger than the entire Original House itself the floor was tile, a beige tile, the room was covered in circular tables with tons of fancy people who left to proper to ever understand what my life was sitting and talking to each other out of an obligation to be fake for business. Throughout the room large red curtains were draped hanging from the floor to the ceiling, a small string quartet in the back right corner of the room playing whispering classical music that you could barely hear. There was a small bar in the back as well as an abundance of waiters and waitresses walking around in all black attire serving drinks and food to all the people. At the very front of the room where all the tables were facing was a small velvety black stage with a singular microphone standing on it and the display of my father's business. I stood in shock, and disappointment but that all dissipated when someone began stripping me of my jacket and taking Athena's fluffy white shawl.They were two workers hanging them in a coat closet, Athena shot me an anxious look as if all she wanted to do was walk right back to the car and go home, and honestly I couldn't blame her all I had dreamed about right now is sitting on our giant couch back at my place watching movies, cuddling up, eating snacks, a little kissing and enjoying life and a bit of relaxation away from all the danger my job called for. But unfortunately, that was not the reality for us at the moment. I grabbed Athena's lower back and pulled her close to me as we walked to the table the waitress that had taken our coats was leading us to, sitting at the table I was actually quite happy as everyone at that table I had known and had quite a good relationship with. Now of course if they were here at this party they weren't people I called my friends but I had done good business with them a few times in the past. I greeted them and introduced them to Athena and her and I sat down waiting for the moment that my father came to greet us. it was a long rectangular table a grand one sitting next to the velvety black stage that was clearly reserved for my father and his crew, sitting there alone I found Lara who I instantly felt terrible for her as I knew there was no way in hell my dad was introducing her to his people and that she was essentially just his minion someone he used and left alone when he didn't need her, aside from pushing me into this ball she had seemed like a good person. There was one empty seat and I could only assume that it was reserved for my father which meant that he was making rounds greeting everyone at this ball. I felt the strong feeling of pressure hit my right shoulder and I turned to Athena smiling hoping that it was her reassuring me as I looked worried at all the people sitting around me but I was disgusted to find that the man that I had not seen since the first time he left me as an innocent child with no home and no parents towering over me. I couldn't do it, instantly I wanted to be that 8 year old little boy curling up under their sheets after having another one of his terrible nightmares, I wanted to be sitting on that window bench with my mom, I wanted to be held I wanted to be protected, I felt like my skin was curling up, and for once in my life it felt like I knew exactly what I wanted to do and what I wanted to say but that the person controlling my limbs disagreed, like I was a puppet. seeing him destroyed me oh, it destroyed every single piece of me that I had tried my hardest to glue back together. He scared me. "Lorenzo, it's me, your father. I'd like to start by saying thank you for coming tonight I know the terms I had provided you with in order to get you to come to this ball were highly inconvenient and left you with little to no choice but you being here helps me immensely and now that we've seen each other for the first time in a very long time I hope that this ball can somehow string us together again and potentially provide us with an opportunity to do business in the future. I thought about you a lot lately, wondering how you've been doing, and although me leaving wasn't the greatest idea I know that it had to be done oh, I was mourning just like you and any reminder that was in my life of her couldn't be in my life anymore and as much as I loved you and cared for you I knew that staying would make you ten times worse Denis leaving I wouldn't be able to be the father figure that I knew you needed that any child needs. And who is this pretty girl sitting next to you, another one of your conquests, your toys?", his words hit like a hot iron pressing into my chest. I couldn't believe that he was standing here greeting me like he hadn't stepped out of my life and made my life a living hell oh, I couldn't believe that he was attacking my choices and my personal character to be with this amazing girl, and most of all I couldn't believe that he had the balls to sit here and fucking fail to apologize. The more I thought about it though, I realized that a simple apology would probably just make the steam coming out of my ears even hotter, and a simple apology was not going to cut it, it would only make me angrier. But I wasn't that innocent kid anymore that small frail child that he left at the door that day with no resources to survive, no, now I was ruthless, scarred, dangerous, and more powerful than he was and I had grown to be able to now stand up for myself.Stupidly, I stood from the table towering over him add a tall 6 ft 3 so that our spaces we're just centimeters apart and I spoke up letting him know he couldn't control me anymore, of course not realizing that I was in a public place filled with potential business partners, and had just made a close call to getting myself in some deep deep shit. "Listen here tough guy, you do not get to come here and speak to me like everything that happened didn't happen and that we are all good, and speak to me in a tormenting tone to try and establish your power, your supremacy to me, how much higher up you are than me, when you're the one who asked me to come here for business help and you're the one that didn't have the balls to raise a child so they just walked out they thought it was the easier choice. I'm not going to sit here and ruin your night because frankly I'm not that kind of person and there are a lot of people in this room that I could pick up to get a lot more cash under my mattress but don't think for one second is that I have or will ever forgive you for what you did it's inexcusable and has nothing to do with it being the right choice or what had to be done for your sake oh, you left your own child sitting alone in a house with absolutely no one, starving for 3 days waiting for someone to answer my call until finally somebody did but only by chance or else I wouldn't be standing in front of you today. And let me make another thing clear unless you want your head chopped off and sent to your worst enemies you would make a smarter choice and never ever attack the beautiful woman sitting next to me, someone who has brought me life, someone who has showed me what true love really is, someone who will never abandon me or ignore me like you did to mom. So don't think for a second that you know anything about her that would give you the right to say something. And if you were really smart, we're talking genius smart you would get the fuck away from this table before I do some real damage am I clear?" My breath was shallow, almost non-existent as I found myself panting and trying to get myself to the surface. I didn't want to make a scene but I wanted to set him straight so I spent a few seconds looking around at a few tables staring at me before sitting down giving him the hint to walk away as I had asked. He snickered, trying to aggravate me as if he didn't take me seriously but as he walked away he leaned in right between me and Athena's head and spoke words that I wanted absolutely no one to hear, not even her. "Alright Lorenzo, I'll leave... But just one quick question, how is that scar? Has it healed yet?", he laughed and then sighed a hard sigh as he walked away. I was defenseless, I felt as though I was in a coma, like on the inside I could speak, here, express myself, but when I hear the doctors and my family getting ready to cut the life support I'm screaming at the top of my lungs trying to tell them that I'm alive and that I'm here but they just can't hear me oh, so I sit there defenseless just as I felt after he made that comment. if I had gotten up I would have ripped him to shreds I would have jumped him work screamed at him word hidden or done something I'll let him know that what he had just done was Far Beyond okay but as I stood up I felt Athena's hand grasp my thigh and push me back into my chair. I was so busy fighting this evil man that I had partially forgotten that she was there, forgotten that a lifeline was sitting right next to me. "You're better than this. Ignore him, you can't let it get to you. What scar? What is he talking about, Lorenzo, talk to me. Get up, we can get a breather, go to another room, go outside for a minute, talk. LORENZO!!"She spoke to me trying to get me out of a trance I was in, I wouldn't speak, I just sat there eyes wide, practically growling, like a cheetah preparing to pounce on its dinner. Lara had appeared, clearly seeing what had just happened, reading Athena and I's mind, "I don't mean to interrupt, but do you two need a minute? There is a room in the back that you can use, it locks, I can take you there if you want, for some privacy, to relax for a moment. I'm so sorry, he can be a little overwhelming sometimes.", she was being too nice, almost as if it was fake. I reached out for Athena as I stood up and we made the journey following Lara, trying to hide from everyone else, this was all sorts of embarrassing, but I couldn't keep this secret from her any longer, I couldn't let her think for one second that I wanted to lie to her, I wanted her to know. Lara left us and here we were in a dark locked room, this room was clearly built for storage for events like this as it had some chairs, curtains, boxes, frames with art in them, clearly mostly junk. Some of which came from the house before my mom had died. I sat on two chairs that were sitting in the room with her. While it was full of junk, the room was surprisingly clean and organized though it had little to no light, the floor was tile just like the ballroom. "Lorenzo, I need you to stay with me and be calm, what he said means nothing to me, you don't have to worry, I'm ok. Just tell me what he meant by scar? What did you not tell me? We took a bath together and everything and you're telling me I missed it? I never noticed it, you never showed me?", she pleaded, begging me to talk though I felt so frozen, so ashamed. "It's not that you didn't notice it or that I didn't want to tell you, really it was the idea of being vulnerable once again scaring me. I'm supposed to protect you, not the other way around. My dad had an obsession with making swords, they were his thing. All the ones hanging in the ballroom, those are his. He didn't use them for anything, rather it was just another form of income he used his hobby for and that he enjoyed as he would make them and auction them off to people with his name attached to them significantly raising the value of each. He had an entire room in this very house dedicated to making them. I was so intrigued, so in love with his craft, he had shown me some days how to make them and I had tried so many times, failing each. I wanted to keep working at it, keep trying to perfect the craft as he did but lord knows I could never be as good as he was. Shortly after my mom died, and he went hey wire he spent all his hours in that room, making loud noises, throwing stuff at the walls, and what I know now, planning to leave me. He had this giant fireplace contraption that he would heat the iron with to weld the swords. He had told me that I was too needy, that I was worthless to him, and that he only kept me because my mother had convinced him she needed me to keep herself sane. I was a little kid, begging for help, for a bath, for food, for water, for sunlight, and he just ignored me. The first time he had done it I couldn't think anything of it, part of me felt strongly that I deserved it but as it continued, I felt like I was living in fear of when the next time he was going to do it was.", I said, slowly recounting the trauma I had gone through. "Do what?", she said, like someone watching a movie and being left on a cliffhanger. "As punishment for constantly begging for love, attention, just someone to be there when I felt like my life was falling apart and my mom had left because she didn't like me... he would sear the hot iron on my lower back, so low it was entering my intimate area. He would do it like that to hide it, so people like the maids or family that came over to grieve my mom. If he did it on my arm as an example, people would see and he would get in trouble for it, or at least that's why I think he did it there. I mean there was still flame coming off the thing, he had done it maybe 7 times, in the same spot every time. Then he just got up and disappeared. Ophelia doesn't even know about it, I wanted to tell no one, I never want to feel vulnerable or weak, I wanted to hide it forever, but I knew this day would come. To be quite honest I'm glad I told you, rather now than another time, later on. After he stopped, left and I got older and more mature I had felt more uncomfortable than ever before, like he invaded my privacy while also abusing me. The scar is still there. I just try to cover it up as much as I can.", would she be upset, would she be mad that I use the vulnerability excuse evertimte I dont tell her something, it was how I felt, but would she believe me? But instead, she did the opposite. She stood from the couch and gave me her hand, I got up and she kneeled in front of me. She untucked my dress shirt and began removing my belt, and unbuckling my pants. I didn't say a word though, I was too curious as to what was about to happen, and I had only hoped that if it was what I thought she would stop so we could do this in a more romantic place rather than the house of the man I hate most in this world. She spun me around so my back was facing her and pulling down my pants, carefully, she bent back the thin black waistband of the sleek boxers I was wearing, "Can I see it?", she said. "Yes.", I said, apprehensive about what her reaction would be. I felt her warm hand rubbing across it as she quietly gasped at how terrible it looked. She brought her face near it and I felt her warm, soft lips begin kissing it gently just as I had done for her. She placed her forehead against it and began whispering, she was praying, praying for me and what I had gone through, and I hadn't even noticed it until the end. She wrapped everything up and I felt a wetness run across it, her tears. She buckled everything back up and I tucked my shirt back in. She grabbed my face in her hands and leaned in so our foreheads touched. "Your scar is beautiful, and it means nothing about who you are, it just shows how strong you are and that you endured things some people never have. It doesn't define you, it's just like a tattoo right? People get them to remind them of something, to symbolize something, to remember something or someone, or to display something meaningful or something they love. Your scar is there to display your battle, to remind you that you survived, to remind you that it's over and that you can overcome anything and everything if you overcame that. You're still beautiful and it doesn't make you weak. In fact, I think you're pretty hot when you're vulnerable. Lets just go and get this night over with ok. I love you, ok?", she said. The way she spoke soothed me, like sitting next to a warm fireplace after a long day in the snow, instant warmth. The more time I spent around her, the more she surprised me with her actions, and the more I realized that my only purpose on this earth was to be with her, and that the only reason my battered, torn soul was created was for her, it was created to be hers, from the start, before I even knew her name, it was hers. Quickly she was becoming my addiction, like heroin that only had an effect on me, that was created just for me. Everything started to make sense, everything was how it was because of her. It felt like everything good in this world was caused by her. It felt like the sun rose and set everyday not because of earth's orbit, but because of her, trees produce oxygen for us to breathe not because of photosynthesis but because of her. Like planes flew not because they had wings but because of her, the oceans had waves not because of wind, or tides, but because of her. It felt like colors existed because of her, or else everything would be grayscale and dark, like love existed not because that's how human nature is or because people form a connection to others or things but because of her, like everyone wanted to follow her example. Like a world without her would be one where everything was backwards and out of place, a world that I didn't want to exist in. All I could say while letting out a heavy pant was, "God I love you so much. I'm the one that hid this from you, and didn't tell you parts of my past, the one who keeps secrets and yet you're trying to calm me down and make me feel better about my situation, and let me tell you, it works." We sat on the couch once more and I laid her down, my body on top of hers, pressing against her warm skin. I began recklessly kissing her, gasping for air, running my hand up her thigh and gently up the fabric of her dress. She stopped me as clearly I was taking things too far, considering where we were. "I wanna get you in a bedroom so badly right now!!", I aggravatedly said as I brought us back up so we were standing. I was pissed, I wanted to be in her, around her, always and right now at this moment we had to do other things, and I hated that. Like I wanted to drive a bulldozer through everything that was robbing me of another second with her. She began biting at my neck as she opened up the door again, making me weak. "Stop. Now. You're turning me on, you don't want to see me turned on.", I said. She laughed, trying to distract me from the pain that just went on saying, "Ok, I'll make sure you never get turned on then, you won't have that problem anymore." We walked out and I whispered in her ear, "Love, you breathing turns me on."