You're My Bliss.

Fourteen: Truth!

"—to avoid stress. Muhammed would buy me gifts, take me out, skip work for me, cooked for me and a lot of other things to make it up to me. And in no time I bounced back, I thought I was the luckiest woman alive but I also feared that he was too calm about it, that he was hiding his agony to make me feel better. One day he traveled and the day after I started bleeding immensely, at first I thought it was that time of the month but it went on for over 14days. After a while it stopped and continued again. So the moment it stopped again I knew I had to rush to a hospital. So I called Muhibba and asked her to send me her gynecologist's contact and I contacted her immediately. I went to see her" I take a deep breath as I remembered how broken I felt that day, if suicide wasn't haram I'd have taken my life.

"It's okay" he says tapping my back "You don't have to continue if it's too much for you"
I shake my head "Nah, I want to"

I take a deep breath "She was alarmed after she had checked me. She was a woman in her late 40's. Immediately she saw my results she got angry at me. Asking me why I had aborted with pills. I was confused. She told me that the pills I took for abortion were destroying my womb, that if I had done it once more I wouldn't be able to have children. I was confused and I told her I didn't take any pills, that I wanted kids until it clicked—Muhammed's reaction to my pregnancy, his doctor saying the same thing, the fact that he didn't cry a single tear drop or look shaken after my miscarriage. I told her that he had given me a traditional medicine to take when I was pregnant both times, that it soothes the body. She told me there's a famous medicine that is used traditionally for abortions. They use golden seal and blue cohosh and it might probably be what he had given me. She asked me if I could get it for her and I did. And behold she was right. I told Ammi and Baba but they said he probably didn't know it would affect me and he had rights not to want kids. I felt alone and I didn't want to tell Malik, I was afraid he'd kill him. I hated him but if Malik did kill him then he'd ruin his life"

He takes a deep breath. He looked like he was trying to process everything.
"Anyway, when he got back I approached him. He didn't deny it and instead started pleading with me. He swore that his step mother told him the medicine was safe that I'd just lose the baby but I'd be fine. He kept begging and I wouldn't listen, I told him I was done with both him and the marriage but he wouldn't listen. He said I was still his wife. I couldn't tell my parents because they'd side him so I decided to meet with his. I went to see his stepmom and I caught them" I pause.

"Caught them?" He asks confused.
I nod "Yes. Turns out his mother started molesting him after his father married her. I caught them and they saw me. He and I met afterwards at home and he explained that he didn't know how to turn her away. It stopped since he left for university but she started again after he went to his parents about our wedding. That was why he felt it was unfair to touch me and she convinced him that having a child wasn't safe. It was messed up and I didn't want to be part of it. I felt bad for him but I didn't want to lose my sanity. Muktar came along with to me tell Malik and also to get us divorced. And that was it, I still feel bad for him but I need a life too"

Saying everything made me feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I release a heavy breath.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know and I guess maybe I took it too hard"

I shake my head "Nah, it's something everyone will take hard. It's not normal and it's seen as a taboo so of course it's normal for you to react that way when you hear that your girlfriend has had three abortions"

He hugs me "I'm really sorry"
I chuckle "You're forgiven and I'm glad I told you. Now there's no secret between us"

He smiles "Yeah"
"But why did Mami tell you? They told me to keep it from everyone as will they".