You're My Bliss.

Twenty Five: I'm Not Healing!

Dahir's POV.

Samira and I might not be in a relationship anymore but I've always low key loved her vibe.
She had this contagious laughter, you just can't help but laugh along with her.

I've never told her, in fact Yemi is the only person I've ever told and he still teases me with it.

That was why I enjoyed her company alot after Abba's demise, she always found a way to make me feel better, unintentionally.

But Karima—God!— with her I feel like everything would be fine. That despite being two messed up people, we can make it work, we can be happy. When I'm with her I want to be strong, I want to make her happy and whenever I feel that way I feel high on happiness.

And then she switches up, I try talking to her but it's like she doesn't want to forget her past. She makes me feel powerless, like I'm not man enough to make her happy and I really hate it.
You love seeing someone you love happy, and laughing. That's why we make jokes, give gifts, give them what they want, just to see them happy but if you don't get happiness from them when you give them your all, you get discouraged.

"What are you thinking about?"
I raise my head and look at Samira.

"Huh?"
She smiles "You really are something else"
I scoff "You're still here? Are you planning on staying here? Sleeping on my bed?"

She chuckles "You're saying it like I've never done it before, but I'll admit that I miss it"
Yemi coughs, a fake one "So you slept in his room in your uncle's house? How melodic".

I smile "She snuck in, the boys weren't home that day"
"So it happened once?"

He asks but we just laugh.
"Y'all are nasty and kinky"

"Kinky? Really?"
"You couldn't have gotten a hotel room?"

I shake my head "I have a room, with a huge bed, my own bathroom, An air conditioner, a stocked fridge and you want me to get a hotel room" I huff "That doesn't matter anyway, it's in the past"

She smiles "Obviously"
I nod.

"What's this tension I sense?"
Samira and I look at each other and say nothing.

I didn't feel a tension, was there?"
"I mean, you're moody" Yemi says.
Samira laughs "It's because he broke things up with Karima"

I groan "I need to go get some sleep".
I leave.
"Yemi will drive me home" Samira shouts.

::

Mami asked to see me.
I hope it's nothing too serious.

I enter her bedroom and see her seated on the couch eating roasted nuts, she loves it for some strange reason.

I sit next to her.
She picks up the bowl from the side stool and puts it between us "Will you join your mother?"

I shake my head "You know I prefer them boiled".
She smiles "I got you" she picks up another bowl by her side filled with boiled nuts.

She breaks a few and gives them to me.
I smile and throw them in my mouth.
"How have you been doing?" She asks still breaking and handing them to me.

"I've been better"
"So you're not good?"

I smile "I'm okay"
She huffs "I know our relationship has deteriorated through the years, your father was your confidante but I want you to know you have me, you can confide in me".

I nod.
She huffs "I know that accident changed your life but it changed you, it made you a better person"

I huff "I'm not too sure about that, someone lost his live that day, Mami"

Yes.
I was 23years and I got my first car so I decided to take it for a test drive with my friends. I was driving so fast so late at night I drifted off the road and into a sink hole. Two of my friends had broken bones, one unfortunately died on the spot but I was okay, not even a scratch. And the one that died was my best friend, he wasn't there that day to race with me like the other two, I coerced him into testing out the car and he kept warning me. His mother and brothers still hate me, they blame me and I understand why.

She taps my shoulder "I'm sorry if talking about it reminded you of the past".

I shake my head "It's fine"
She smiles "But, I really am proud of you"

I nod.
"But at this rate—will I ever see my grandkids?"

I groan.
"Don't groan, get married"
I laugh "I can't just wake up tomorrow and get married and don't say Samira"

She shakes her head "You don't have to marry Samira, someone else. As long as it's not that divorcée. Actually I'm glad you broke things off. She's messed up, with the whole issue with her ex husband and her parents, it's better to keep her at arm's length. Plus, she's not a virgin"

I groan again.
I realize it's something I do a lot when I'm with my mother.

"Mum, few girls now are virgins and we've come to accept it, it's not like we are" and I immediately regret it.

She looks at me hurt "You've—you're" she stays quiet "But still"

If only she knows Samira isn't either.
"Mami, let's end this conversation because I'm getting back together with Karima"

She looks at me confused "So why did you break up with her?"

I stay quiet.
Everyone keeps asking that question.

"For personal reasons".
She gives me the bowl "Break them yourself. I'll eat mine" she picks up her bowl.

::

Healing is so weird. One day I'm in love with who I'm becoming, the next day I'm crying for letting things in my past slide.

I decided to stay home this weekend. Yemi traveled to see his parents and I really don't want to be alone so I decided to hang with the boys.

I came out to get some water, I couldn't sleep at all.
I look at the time, it's past 2am already.

I groan and freeze when I see all my brothers spreaded out in the living room watching.
"You're all awake?" I ask.

They all raise their heads.
"Wait! You were home?" Bashir asks laughing.

I huff "Did you think a spirit was in my room?"
"Nah, I thought it was Abubakar, he's been—" he trails off when he sees Abubakar glaring at him.

I smirk "So you've been sleeping in my room?"
He smiles "It's bigger"

I flop on the couch "It doesn't matter anyway. What are you watching?"
"The conjuring"

I raise my eyebrows "How isn't Farouq screaming?"
Mutassim bursts out laughing "He's sleeping"

The boy spread out his legs.
"Well, I'm going back to sleep"

"Me too" Mutassim says getting up.
We all get up and head to our rooms, leaving our baby brother.

We have a rule, if you sleep in the living room, no one wakes you. But our baby brother always sleeps there when we're watching, because we always wake him.
Not today.

::