which was of course, I love you.

10.

Boris practically has to drag me inside the restaurant, continuing on about how I should, "trust me! This restaurant is good!". "Boris, the smell alone from this restaurant makes me want to vomit!", I hiss as he gets a table for two once we're inside. "Potter, shut up! I have friends here, and if they think I have a boyfriend who hates their restaurant, they will hate me!" I roll my eyes as he takes me by the hand to our table. "Boris, I think I am going to vomit if I sit here any longer!" I whisper-yell at him from across our small table. "Potter, stop. You're acting like total bitch!" He spits back. I don't respond, looking around uncomfortably at the small, dirty, restaurant that I was sitting in. Maybe I am being selfish, but I didnt ask to be here. All of a sudden a waiter appears at our side. "What would you like today, mój przyjaciel?". Boris replies to the waiter, in polish I assume. I hoped he had ordered for me at least, because the waiter walked off without even glancing at me. "Potter, stop looking so.. depressed, please? Try to have fun, darling." "Boris, might we please leave soon..?" I realize how whiny I sound, like fucking 13-year-old me. God how horrible that fucking cab ride was, how bad the weather was, how upset my mother was. I had sounded quite similar to now when I had practically begged the driver to let us out, for god's sake. My mother's about to vomit back here. When I am back from my thought-train, I find that I have caught just the tail of Boris' previous sentence. "..what?" I ask. "I said, 'potter, you should call a cab and go to my place, I'll get my food to go.' ..If you had bothered to listen." I roll my eyes, sighing. "You know, maybe I should just go back to mine. I guess I'll see you later." I begin to get up, until Boris pulls me back down. "No potter, I insist you come with me tonight, please?" "Alright, fine, love. I'll wait for you to eat." He nods, pleased. "Thank you" he replies. I don't answer, smiling. Hold on, this doesn't make sense. Why doesn't he want me to go home so bad? Hes practically begging me to go with him! "Boris, why don't you want me to go back to Hobie's?" He looks as if he is a criminal mastermind and his plains have been shattered by my simple question. "We'll talk about that later, Potter." He says urgently. "No, tell me now, Boris." I stand up, backing up towards the door. He rushes after me, grabbing me by the arm. "No, Potter! I love you, but I just can't tell you. Not now." I love you. The words come so easily for him. "I lov-" I can't say it. It's like it's some speech impediment, and I'm the only one who has it. I can write it, sure. I've written it, especially to Boris, multiple times. But after 8 fucking years, I still can't fucking say it. Maybe I'm just scared. Scared of falling in love, maybe. Scared of being in love with a man. That sounds right, I tell myself. I'm scared of loving a man. "Potter, are you okay?" Boris is snapping his fingers in my face, looking quite impatient. "..mhm." I reply. I sound distant, even to myself. "I know what will make you feel better!" He hands me a pill from his pocket, and sits me back down at our table. "Take it", he urges. "It'll make you feel better. Promise." I take it reluctantly, and he smiles at me. It takes me till the time his food had arrived to realize that I had been drugged. Everything is blurry. When I look at Boris, he is smiling. Did he want to drug me? "You're probably pissed at me right now, potter." He giggles, "but come with me, I will make it up to you." He stands me up, basically dragging me to the men's bathroom. Great. I'm totally defenseless and Boris is taking me into some dirty bathroom at a horrendous restaurant where the servers smell like cigarettes and alchohol. "..what..?" Words aren't coming so easily anymore. They're clear in my mind, but I cant say them much. Boris takes me into the single stall bathroom, locking the door behind us and pinning me against it. "..bor..boris, ..no.." I slur. He ignores me; biting my already-marked neck. I try to tell him no again, but it just comes out as some whine. Fuck! I tell myself, I can't believe he fucking drugged me. Why would he do this? Suddenly I'm incredibly close to tears. I try to pull him off of me as he pulls off my sports coat, rambling on and trying to form the words no! Stop, I dont want this, Boris. And then I start crying. It's so unlike my usual cry. Its so loud, and I'm practically wailing as Boris begins to unbutton my shirt. "Shut up, Theo!" He snaps. I flinch, silencing myself the best I can. "I get you probably aren't happy with me," he says gently, "but I just can't fucking wait. You look so good in a suit." I begin to cry again, slapping and punching him the best I can. It manages to get him off of me long enough to sloppily button my shirt again and grab my coat off of the floor, unlocking the door and stumbling out. I run over to one of the nearest servers, latching onto her arm. "..please, muh..make him st..stop." I beg her. She begins to reply, but Boris rushes out of the bathroom before she can say anything. "Ha! Sorry, friend. My boyfriend here had, eh.. a few to many drinks," he lies, "I was just trying to sober him up in bathroom, but he's very mean when drunk, also lies alot." He smiles. "..no!" I yell, crying louder. "..hes luh..lying..!" She pulls me off of her arm gently, handing me back to boris and smiling. He thanks her, dragging me back into the bathroom and locking the door. He's furious. "What the fuck!" He screams, "You can't just do that, potter! I get you're angry, but you're making it sound like I'm fucking axe murdering you in here!" I scream, my face hot with tears. I throw my sports coat at him, scrambling to the floor and backing into the corner. He's acting like dad, I think to myself. "I'm going to call Gyuri to take you to my place," he says coldly. "We will talk about this in the morning when you're sober. Please just dont give Gyuri hard time." He kisses my cheek gently, sitting next to me and holding my hand. He takes out his phone, calling Gyuri. I sniffle, squeezing his hand. After a bit Boris receives a notification, a text I'm assuming. He stands me up gently and walks me out to the parking lot and helping me into the car. He speaks in Ukrainian, I'm assuming to Gyuri. He kisses my head. "I love you, Potter. I will see you in the morning." He closes the door without another word, walking back inside. I must've fallen asleep in the car, because the next thing I know, Gyuri is carrying me into Boris' house, like a fucking baby. I laugh at this, still unable to form words easily. Gyuri tells me to 'shh', setting me down on Boris' bed. Soon my eyes are feeling heavy, and I realize sleep is coming. Soon, I'm out cold.