Smeared

×4×

The night stretched on as I became increasingly tired and by the time we had seen the last guest off I was ready to collapse the moment my head would touch the pillow.

There was one problem and it started eating away at me as we drew closer to it.

Our first night.

I did not want to give myself away to a man that I did not love and I was well aware that he did not love me either. I knew it was now our duty to officially join as one but I was nervous and afraid.

My nerves and fears overcome my exhaustion as I sat nervously on the edge of the bed twiddling my thumbs. My veil prevented me from seeing much of the room but I was aware it was lavishly decorated.

A maid had escorted me to this room without saying a thing. She scurried off like a startled cat before I could even take the first step through the door.

I was alone.

It felt horrible.

I kept my ears strained for any sign of movement. The slightest creak made me jump.

The night dragged on but not once did he enter the room. I soon realised that he was not coming.

Why would he?

I felt stupid for thinking different. It made sense that he did not wish to spend the night with me for neither he nor I wanted this to begin with.

I do not know why I spent so much time fretting over this. I had worked myself into a state for no reason.

I pulled off my veil and began removing the ridiculous accessories. I felt lighter already.

I ran my hand through my now loose hair. It felt so pleasing.

I took that moment to glance around the room. It was indeed beautifully decorated but it was smaller than I originally thought.

There was a door off to the side which I was hoping to be a bathroom as it was different from the door that I had entered. This was a Duke's residence afterall, he should indeed have decent plumbing.

I made my way to it, flicking off my awful shoes in the process. I reached for an oil lamp and made my way into the darkened room.

Indeed it was a bathroom. The cold tiles did wonders for my pained feet. I noticed a large bath in the centre of the room.

I knew that there would be no hot water, it was much to late in the night for the boiling room to be running but that would be quite alright with me. I was used to bathing in cold water. Hot water was a luxury that the Faintree could not afford to spend on the lines of me.

I began removing the heavy dress as I opened the valves on the taps. The bath was filled in no time.

Slowly I stepped in allowing the cold to sooth my joints as I lowered myself. It was cold but it felt so amazing.

I reached for the soap and began to scrub. I had forgotten to remove the make up that smothered my face before hand so it was not long before the ghastly stuff stained the water.

I could not help but be amused at myself as I drained the tub and began to refill it. I allowed myself to soak a bit now feeling a lot better.

This was by far the best thing to happen to me for the entire night and I would relish every second of it. It was if the coolness of the bath water washed away my worries.

I slowly lowered my head beneath the surface. I held my breath. It felt so calm, so peaceful and I wanted to stay there for ever but my body had other plans as it began to fight back wavering my will.

I became desperate for air as my lungs screeched out begging me to breathe again. I rose up lifting myself up as my mouth gasped for air.

It was a sign to leave my small sanctuary as my body now longed for another. I wanted to be consumed by the warmth of a bed and allow sleep to overcome me.

The cold water had woken me up a minor amount but my exhaustion proved to be stronger. I reluctantly got out and reached for a towel.

It was not long before I found myself standing back in the room. I now needed something to wear as there was no way I would get back into the horrid dress that now lay abandoned on the bathroom floor.

I was relieved to find a very familiar wooden trunk tucked away in a dark corner of the room. It was mine.

Lady Faintree had allowed me to take only a few items. It was barely much but it was something. I was allowed two day outfits and my sleep wear. That was it.

The night gown was old and worn but it did the trick. It was comfortable and loose and that was all I needed.

I found myself running my hand over the soft covers of the bed. My fingers sank into them like a greedy child desperate to feel more. I had never felt a texture like this nor seen a bed as grand.

Was I truly allowed to rest in this?

I gave a sad smile at the thought. This was a luxury that I did not know if I deserved.

I pulled the covers up and climbed in. The mattress was so soft. It would have be perfect for Rourke for the mattress that the Faintree's had provided him was the complete opposite but at least he had a bed.

I missed my brother already, I hoped that he would be okay without me...

It  was not long before these thoughts lulled me to sleep.

It was by no supprise that the Duke of Waisend did not visit me that night.