From The Day I Met You

5

A/N: I am currently rewriting this chapter!!

"So tell me. What the fuck is going on." Marissa got straight to business once I got there, and sat me down on the couch.

"What do you mean?" I try and act innocent but Marissa isn't buying it.

"Liam just spit it out. I don't have time for this and stop hiding it because it's petty." She rolls her eyes. I sigh knowing I can't hide it. And I realized what I was doing was petty.

"Okay. One of my friends showed me a picture of Gianna kissing Ethan at a party." Her eyes went wide in shock.

"That's not like her...I don't think she's even gone to a party without you." She whispers to herself.

"I know. But maybe she just decided she wants someone else." I shrug.

"Liam she couldn't ever want someone else. Ever. All she ever talks about is you and how she needs you. She couldn't ever." Marissa hugs me. I used to believe that.

"Liam?" I see Gianna at the top of the stairs. I feel a sudden wave of deja vu. It reminds me when it was her seventh birthday, I was her 'VIP guest' I smiled at that thought.

"Hey." I didn't look up from my hands while I heard her light footsteps touch the first floor.

"Why are you here?..." I didn't answer.

"I'll let you guys talk..." Marissa whispered in my ear before walking away.

"Tell. Her."

I have to.

"Gianna I have to ask you about something."

"Yeah?" She had no clue did she? She was good at acting so innocent. 

"Uh..." I can't. I'm chickening out.

"What's your favorite color?" I ask quickly trying to cover it up.

"Light purple. You know that.." Her eyebrow quirked up.

"Oh right." I laughed awkwardly and smacked my forehead, even though I know damn well its not light purple but lavender.

"Is that it?" She asks. It kills me to know that she kissed another boy but here she is smiling and looking at me like I'm her most prized possession. If we were in any other circumstance I would be on my knees.

"Yeah."

"Oh okay." Her face fell as I got up to leave.

I heard a small sniffle before I closed the door to her house.

The second I got into my car I slammed my fists on my steering wheel.

"FUCK." God I was so frustrated. My body was shaking at this point.

I've loved her since I knew what it meant. I spent years waiting for her. Watching boys try and swoon her, of course Gianna never rejected any of them but I had to watch her talk to them as if I wasn't there. I waited to for her all these years just to find out she wanted another boy.

Then it hit me.

Why am I feeling this?

I can't be.

She isn't mine.

Gianna

I hear the front door close shut. The tears start streaming from my face. What did I do wrong? I've been fucking things up for everyone recently.

Liam all of a sudden got cold towards me and I don't even know why. I feel like I'm loosing him. I can feel the warm wet tears run down my face while I sprint upstairs to my bedroom, locking the door behind me and sliding down it to the cold hard floor.

Why can I never do anything right?

All I've ever wanted was for Liam to be happy. Whether it's with me or another girl. Maybe that's why. He found another girl.

All these years of waiting and waiting and he found another girl he likes.

I guess I'll have to live with it.

I spent my whole life trying to be enough for him. He told me I was enough but I never believed it. I starved myself so maybe, just maybe, I'd have a chance against all those other girls. Maybe I would be able to have a chance.

I cut myself because I never would feel enough, that feeling alone made me numb. I never felt like I was enough for anyone. My mom works and barely comes home and here I am going to school and having extra hours of my day while I could be working to help. I cut myself because I wanted a feeling. I wanted to feel alive and not numb.

I changed my whole wardrobe so maybe if I showed more skin or looked more mature, he'd like me. Maybe if I looked like those girls he hanged around I'd be enough for him.

I stopped thinking I wasn't enough when me and him hung out more and more. I stopped cutting. And started to gain weight. But he's gone again

I thought that I would never be in this position again but after that conversation with Liam it dug up feelings that didn't even have to do with what we talked about. That conversation dug up feelings, not only from Liam but mainly from other things. From my eating disorder to just feeling hopeless.

My feelings aren't even based off Liam. Or anything to do with exterior life. It's feelings stirred up together. 

I cried. Silently.

I just want my Liam.
-
"Rikky you want this one or this?" I hold two different colored teddy bears up for him to sleep with.

"I want the brown one." He grabs it from my hand and waddles to the bathroom.

"I don't need help! I can brush my teeth on his own." Wow I guess he's all grown up.

"Ok Ok!" Marissa walked into the bathroom with Rikky's pj's.

"So any update on where mom is?" Mom hasn't been back for a while and usually she sleeps at work but we've started to get really worried. The most she's done that for was a few days but its been a few weeks.

"Yeah. Her work called me earlier snd said that she's actually all the way in Florida right now."

My eyeballs practically leave my eye holes.

"What?!"

"Yeah. Apparently she lost her phone and forgot our number." Marissa rolls her eyes.

"Well. That's just amazing."

"Where's mama?" Rikky has been even more anxious than us wondering where our mom was.

"She's at work. She'll be home some other time okay, bud?" I kiss him on the forehead and lead him to his bedroom.