No name... Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 6 "better than I used to be"

I sat in the training pen for hours. Just staring at the bright blue sky, watching it slowly turning into an orange sky. I sat on the ground in the dirt drinking some whiskey. Yesterday was a little too much for me. I haven't been put in that position since I was 17. Worst part is everyone witnessed it.
"Hey butter cup" Lloyd says as he steps behind me outside the fences leaning on them. "you think sitting in the dirt is gonna a make you turn into a horse? I'm afraid it don't work like that"
I smiled softly. "I'd rather be a bird"
He clinked his beer with my whiskey bottle. "Ain't that the truth" "just remember, you can't run away from things forever darlin. It's how you feel morne pain than you should"

"Oh what would I do without a wise old man like you?"

"You'd be getting piss drunk and fuckin anything you can find. Like me!" He giggled in laughter. "I'm gonna go dance inside, how bout you doll?"

"I'm gonna sit right here and get fuckin drunk"

"Alrighty darlin. Don't push it" he walked inside after patting the fence goodbye.

"The hell is goin on out here?" I hear rip say.

"Getting fuckin drunk" he leaned on the fence looking down at me. "You think it's a good idea?"

"The best idea" I sipped from the bottle.

"You alright pink's"

"Yeah rippy I think I'll be okay" I stood up and hopped the fence. I laid my head down on my arms as they balanced on top of the fence.
"I shouldn't have left you alone out there"

"Oh it ain't the 1950s, you ain't gotta be classy" I smiled slightly. He looked at me as I looked at him admiringly. The boys start blasting 'the blues man by Hank William" as they scream sing to it and laugh obnoxiously. I giggled into my arms. Rip hummed a smile. We were enjoying each other's presence, silently as we listened to the song. I begin to hum the song playing behind us. We both stared at the sky as it slowly got dark. I slowly released my hand allowing it to go limp. I gently feel his fingers touch finger tips with mine. We slowly let our fingers hold. "I don't want none of y'all looking at me differently" I say as I stood straight facing him.

"That won't be a problem"

"Great"

"Turns out that guy last night was done of John's enemies. Beth recently blew his stocks. He was broke at the the time"

"I guess that's why he asked me if I was with the Duttons huh?"

"He asked that?"

"Yep. He assumed it"

"Just know that was out of revenge"
I looked down at the ground. "Guess I'm not as safe as I thought here huh"

"That's right. Best keep that on your mind!" Beth walks over draping her arms along rips shoulders. I step away from them watching as I sip the end of the bottle of whiskey. "I heard what happened to you last night" I rolled.my eyes at her words "I wouldn't necessarily say you deserved it, but you kinda did"

"Jesus beth" rip mumbles looking in the other direction of me. "No she's right" I laughed drunkenly "from all the shit I've done, people I've killed...I so fuckin deserved it"

"Oh that's the spirit pinky poo!" She patted rips shoulders, "you ready to go!?"
He rubs his beard and he stands straight from leaning on the fence. "Yeah, let's get goin" I held his hand on her lower back as they walked back up to the house. I frowned heavily. I sighed kicking the gravel under my feet. What was the point of that. All that feeling from each other down the drain for nothing. I was so drunk I didn't even care. I pushed my way through the bunker door. Everyone stares up at me as the room goes from laughter to silence. I sigh as I watched them look at me with nothing but sympathy.
"I know what you all saw yesterday. It was awful. I fucking know that, but please....for the love of god. Don't treat me differently. I'm the same as you.  Can we just put what the fuck happened in the past!? I'm drunk as shit and I wanna party!" They all smirked And cheered their beers up to the light. "Want a beer?" Ryan asked holding one up. I looked down at my empty whiskey bottle, as obliterated as I was I took the bottle. "Why the fuck not!" I laughed aloud. I walked my way to the record player in the corner of the room dancing to some music that played. Lloyd grabbed my hands and danced with me for a few moments. "You sure you're alright with this honey?"

"Lloyd I said I was fine. And I still am. You're worrying for nothin" I laid my head on his shoulder closing my eyes. "Say, who sings this song?"
"Read the record!!" Colby shouts. I look over at the record then laid my head back down. I pretended to read it. Lloyd strokes my hair sweetly. "It tim McGraw"
"Oh, I like this song"  I swayed with Lloyd for awhile. I felt calm in his arms. I felt protected. I was also drink so who knows.

"I thought you said you were single Lloyd" said the blonde woman that came home with some boys and has yet to leave. "I am my sweet Laramie"
"Then why are you all laid up with her?" I perked my head up and laughed at Laramie. "all you think is dirty"
"All I see is dirty" she says looking me from my face to my shoes. "Lloyds like my dad. I ain't fuckin him he's alllll yours!"  I walked past her with a dirty look as she clings herself to Lloyd. I sat down backwards on a chair watching the boys play games. "I may not know how the fuck this game works but all I know is Jimmy sucks. The moment then cards are passed out, you lose"

"That's so not true" jimmy scoffed.

"Bet you son of a bitch! Pass them cards out walker" I stared as he passed the cards out one by one by one. As they all take a glance at their cards jimmy slams his hand down "you know what!? Fuck pink! Your new name is jinx! You're a fucking jinx!" The boys start gasping in laughter. I smiled wildly sipping my beer. "Told ya."

"Fuckin jinx!!"

"That's my name baby don't wear it out" I stood up walking to the bunk bed laying back on one of the bunk beds. I stared at the bottom of the mattress. I watched as it spun around and around and around. I feel the mattress indent next to me. I turned my drunken head to look.
"You're on my bed pretty mama" walker chuckles. "Sorry. I dropped at the first thing I saw" I started to get up. "You ain't gotta move pretty. I wanna talk to you" I laid back down. "Go on"
"You're into music right?"
"I am"
"How well do you memorize them?"
"Almost instantly actually"

"Bullshit"

"No really. If you can play that tim McGraw song that was just playing, on that guitar right now I will sing you the whole song word for word"

"Bet! Jinx bet!" He sat up as I did too. He grabbed his guitar and tuned it. He began to play "I ain't no angel...
I still got a few more dances with the devil...
I'm cleanin' up my act, little by little
I'm getting there...
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see...
I ain't as good as I'm gonna get
But I'm better than I used to be" with some soft tunes and harmonies, we finished the song with zero effort. I smiled up at him as he watched me admiringly. I zone out for a moment watching this man's face turn soft. He was so simple. So simple minded. I perked up as the room starts clapping. I laughed loudly as I stood up. "oh shut up!! I'm going to fucking bed!" I laid down on my bunk that I shared with teeter. I watched walker from across the bunks. He gave me a sweet smile before putting his guitar back. "Can I get you anything pretty?" I shook my head. "I'm alright. Thanks" .......