No name... Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 8 "only love can break your heart"

I stared at the papers I couldn't read. the only words I new was my father's name. I didn't even want to hear his name. As I sat in the hay with one of the horses I flipped through the sheets of paper. I stopped at the page that had his mug shot. A newer mug shot. Wow. Hes so old. I ran my thumb over the photo. I stepped out of the barn lighting the photo on fire. I tossed the papers in a bucket then tossed the flaming photo on top.
"Is he a good man?"
I looked up at Jamie who stood a distance from me. I glanced away back at the bucket. "No." I replied. Jamie sighed leaning against the wooden barn. "How bad is he?"he asked. I sighed. I stepped back from the bucket undoing my belt. Jamie watched a bit weirded out. I pulled down my jeans showing him my thigh. My thigh had hundreds of little scars on the outside. "Every time I'd move, Cry, or  even scream about anything he was doing to me, he'd dig his nails and fingers into my skin until I stopped" I pulled my jeans back up. Jamie stared at the ground. "Where is he?"

"He's at my home actually"
I looked at him. "Get him out of there. Get him out! Now!"

"I've...I've been thinking about it! I..I have-...I just...can't.. he's...become something personal to me"

"Fuck you Jamie! He molested me for years! Killed our mother! Infront of me!"

"In-...in front of you?"

"She was naked Jamie. She was...on the kitchen floor. She had a gunshot wound in her fuckin head....I have to remember every detail of it... It haunts me... He was selling me off to some guy...for 500 bucks. Now, I may not know how much that really is but I know it ain't enough to give up a damn baby!"
Jamie looked down. "Then...I..I have to do something"

"Or I could"

"No..I..couldn't make you do that "

"Please Jamie. It would mean a lot to me... You were taken by the Duttons at birth...but me? I was stuck there. I...I could really use this"

"Alright...but.. just tell my old man it was me. He said I have to be the one to kill him"

"I give you my damn word"

....

I knocked on rips front door. It was late but I knew he was awake. I waited a couple moments for him to open.
"Hey pink. What are ya doin up"

"I need to talk to you.."
He opened the door wider. "Come on in. I'm just finishing up some dinner if you want some" I followed beside him as he shuffled some things in a pan. "Sure" I said quietly. He glanced up at me. "What's wrong?"

"I need you help with something rip" I say as I take a small piece of food from his pan and eating it. "What is it?" He walked to the fridge opening the door. He looked so good. He was in a grey thermal sweater with his jeans on. "I want to kill my father" I say taking a beer from his hands as he handed one to me. "Pink" he sighed. "I know it sounds far fetched but it's something I want to do" he leaned his back on the counter watching the pan and me at the same time. "How do you wanna do it?"  He questioned. I sat up on his counter as I lifted the tab of the beer cracking it open. "Painful... I need it to be painful"

"Are you sure that's what you want. It ain't always gonna help"

"He did unimaginable things to me as a child. He...took someone so innocent and pure...and squashed her like a bug" rip watched me as my face turned sad. I stared at the ground in anger. "I know Jamie was told to kill him. I think you should leave it to him"

"I guess I should... But letting him know I'm alive and well... Is... something that will eat him up on the inside" rip rubbed my thigh. "I get it. But....it's been years...maybe you should just...let it be" 

"One nine nine zero" I say as I sip my beer. Rip glanced at me. "Hm?"

"One nine nine zero"

"I don't get it"

"The year I was born"

"How do you know that?"

"I specifically remember my mother showing me my birth certificate before she was killed. She told me to hide that and my social security card. Those are the only numbers I remember. I saw it in a dream last night. One Nine nine zero"

"You know what that makes you?" I shook my head as I looked up at him. "You're 30 years old" he smiles slightly at the plates he was preparing. "Thirty."
"Yep. Three zero. Thirty"

"What about you" I say as I take a piece  of food again off the plates he made. "I was  born one nine eight two, 1982. Can you tell me how much apart we are?"
I shook my head. "Here." He placed the plates on the table. He grabbed a pen and paper. "Go on sit and eat" I listened to his words and sat down next to him. He wrote on the paper. '1990'. underneath that he wrote '1982'. Beside those two numbers was a dash line. "This line means minus. Take away. Now..." He continued to teach me how to count and subtract. He was slow simple and sweet. "So how many years does that leave us" I looked at up at his beautiful soft spoken eyes. His face was filled with hope and desire. He cared so much about me, I couldn't begin to wonder why. "Seven" I say. His face lit up with a giant smile, his eyes squinted in happiness. "Atta girl!" He chuckled "you're getting a hang of it!" I smiled at him then at the paper. "I did that?"
"You did. You did that baby" I shyly glance up from the notepad to rips eyes. he slowly tucked my hair behind my ear. My eyes wandered to his lips. He gently placed his thumb on my chin. He tilted his head closer to mine. My heart was pounding at his sights. Then it happened. His soft cherry lips pressed against mine. I kissed him back, multiple times. The sweet kisses got deeper. I pulled away biting my bottom lip. I bat my eyes "is this what everyone gets after they solve a math problem?" Rip chuckled. "It could be more if you'd like" he snickered jokingly. "Then I'll solve all of them in that case" I placed my hands at the sides of his face. He pulled me closer as we kissed roughly. It got hotter. He pulled me onto his lap as I kissed him deeply. His hands draped over my jean covered rear. his fingers tucked into my back pockets. He kissed down my neck. I closed my eyes feeling the brushing of his beard as I ran my fingers through the back of his hair. I felt like I was in heaven. It felt like the world around me had stopped and went to hell. I felt happy. That until the memories flooded back to me. I pulled away from him. "Sorry Rip...I'm sorry" I stood up quickly. "What's wrong?"

"I...I think this was a Mistake rip..Im-.. Shit"

"Why? How?"

"Because....rip..you-...you're with beth...I don't feel comfortable"

"Pink... honey..it's not like that.."

"What is it like then rip? Cuz everytime that bitch comes around you get on your damn knees and kiss her feet. I'm sorry baby. But I can't... Not now" I walked to the door then turned back to look at him. "trust me... God I want you so damn bad. But I can't have you darlin.. I just can't" .....