Disclaimer: I own none of the original characters nor plot of Blue Lock.
Chapter Warnings: cursing, harassment, Yoichi having (many) teenage boy thoughts, thoughts in dubcon territory but nothing explicit that's dubcon happens.
BIG HUGE GINORMOUS THANK YOU TO MY BETA
ALCHAZAR
AND TO MY REVIEWERS:
ErlanggSIOC, Guest, perseusdiangelo007, Iron Sand, BuzzBuzzBachira, Ashnnix, AverEE, 102602, Sp8cefluff, AnythingForGiorno
Chapter Dedicated to:
Isagi loves thighs
who has taken the time to leave a detailed review for almost every single chapter. I cannot convey how much fun I have reading them and I hope you enjoy : D !
**A/N: Important question re writing style (pretty please read!)**
Was Chapter 1 too slow? Too fast? Were there a bunch of mistakes (it was pre-beta). Was the dialogue wonky? Was the OC introduced in a weird way? Is the formatting weird? I'm asking because per FFN, the reader retention rate between Ch1 and Ch2 is 22%. Is there anything you guys noticed that could have made ~80% of readers give up before Ch 2? It looks like most people who read Ch 2 and 3 continue on but there's just such a huge drop between Ch 1 and 2, so I'm trying to figure out what I could have done better. I plan to (one day, hopefully) write an actual book so I would really, really love some feedback on how I could have made Ch 1 better : ) Feel free to pm me over ffn instead of a review if it's easier. I know it's tough since clearly you guys stayed and it was a while back, but if there was anything that really threw you off in Ch 1 or that made you mentally think 'huh, that's weird/bad/I might give up on this' I would really appreciate it if you let me know so I can change it for next time! : )
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Onikko
{鬼っ子}
chapter 8 – just a kiss
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'Ryosuke Kira... Shit.'
Luckily, the white-haired striker hasn't spotted him yet. Yoichi immediately pulls the wolf mask over his face and hauls Reina in the opposite direction.
"Wha-?! Isacchi, where-"
He moves faster, maneuvering around and through the sea of festival-goers until he sees a sign posted between the trees. It has a bright yellow arrow and map showing a path towards one of the many wayside shrines in the area.
'Perfect,' he thinks. 'No one will be there.'
Yoichi pulls Reina along behind him, speed-walking up the moderate incline despite the uneven terrain. By the time the pair reach the end of the path, the sounds and lights of the festival have dimmed. He pulls her towards the wayside shrine: one that's small enough to not be an attraction on such a busy holiday, but also one that's big enough to have a partial engawa sticking out in front of it. There's easily enough space for a small family to relax on it comfortably.
ŞİMDİ OKUDUĞUN
Onikko | Blue Lock | IsagixOC (Rin's sister)
Hayran Kurgu𝗜𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗶 𝗬𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗵𝗶 didn't expect Blue Lock and he didn't expect 𝘩𝘦𝘳. ("Thanks for beating Sae-nii. He deserved it.") = For 𝗜𝘁𝗼𝘀𝗵𝗶 𝗦𝗮𝗲, soccer holds spots 1 through 20 on his priority list. His little brother and sister share spot...
