Wonder // Draco Malfoy

10. Hot Cocoa

Martin jumps on my head and kneads my pillow, purring louder than I can think. Rue and I are getting ready to go to Hogsmeade. The rules have become more relaxed now, but students are still advised to travel in pairs, especially going to Hogsmeade. We've been told that it is rather cold this weekend, so we're layering up. I'm finally able to use the scarf I bought earlier and it matches well with my outfit and boots.

On the way to Hogsmeade, Rue and Marcus break off of our group so I can talk to Seamus alone. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to him since the temporary lockdown. We haven't waved at quidditch matches or shook hands and it feels dreadful. "Seamus, I miss you," I confess. I know it may not be the best thing to say, but it's entirely true. I miss him a lot and wish he would forgive me (though I understand why he wouldn't). "Please don't let anything come between us."

He is looking away from me as we walk. I'm hopeful that we can have a conversation because he's usually run off by this point. "Valentine, I know you're sorry. It's not you I have a problem with. It's Malfoy, that horrible, arrogant, rich kid who just rubs everything in my face. I can't stand that he's the one you want to be with. Wouldn't you want someone better? Less heartless?"

"Wait, you're the one who called him heartless?"

Seamus chuckles and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Of course he told you. Yes, I called him heartless. You would too if he rubbed his girlfriend, who you thought you had a chance with, in your face."

My heart sinks. I can't believe I led him on like that. "Seamus, I'm not dating Draco and I would never hurt you like that intentionally." Seamus laughs again and sniffles, hopefully not hiding tears.

"Well, you might want to tell him you're not dating."

Seamus quickens his pace so he can rejoin the group. I'm left far behind everyone else with a temptation to just turn around and curl into a ball on my bed all day. I continue walking as if in a daze and find myself finally in Hogsmeade with the excited chatter of students. I immediately head inside a shop to get something warm to drink before I try to find my friends.

I step up to the counter and ask for a hot cocoa. "Make it two hot cocoas."

Draco steps from behind me and pulls out his wallet. His attention is on the worker who winks at me and mouths "he's a keeper." The worker hands him our change and we step aside to pick up our order from the barista behind her.

"Thank you, Draco," I say. I follow him to a small table in the corner, away from the other students and people. Professor McGonagall, Hagrid, and another person I'm unfamiliar with are at a nearby table deep in a conversation. My attention turns back to Draco as I blow on my hot cocoa to make it bearable to drink. "Did you follow me in here or were you already here with friends?"

Draco takes a drink of his hot cocoa and stares down at it. "I saw you talking to Seamus and I waited. You seemed upset afterwards and I contemplated breaking his nose. Thought better if it."

I reach my hand out to touch his, wanting him to look up at me so I can ask him something. He does as I wanted and leans forward. "Draco, are you telling people we're dating?"

Draco's gaze shifts from my eyes to our touching hands. He pulls his away and leans back in his chair. "Do you despise the idea?" He asks. He is still looking at my hand, now alone at the table awaiting the return of his.

I shake my head no. "I don't... I just don't know where you stand. I have no clue what's going on inside your head and-"

"I don't even know!" He exclaims. Eyes turn towards us and my face turns red from embarrassment. Draco leans closer, lowering his voice. "Valentine, I don't know. There's something about you that drives me mad. If my father found out we were together-"

"So that's what this is about? You're scared your father will disown you?"

Draco groans and rubs his face; his leg is shaking the table from his anxiety. "Valentine, you don't know my father. There's a reason everyone is scared of him," he whispers. He leans back in his chair, his lips quivering as his eyes scan the room. "Including me."

My lips part in shock - Draco Malfoy is scared of something. He's being vulnerable in front of me; his walls are shaken and disturbed by my presence. And I can't get enough of it. His vulnerability is feeding my desire for his attention, for something deeper within him.

"Draco, there's nothing to be scared of when you're with me," I assure. My hand is held out again with anticipation for his hand's return. After a moment of contemplation, Draco stands up and leaves. I follow, wishing to break his walls further. I have to know everything in his mind. There's more to Draco that he doesn't want to be seen, but I will be the one to discover all of him.

Once outside, I wrap my scarf securely around myself and jog to catch up to him. He's going away from everyone and the castle, probably wanting to be alone. "Draco, please!"

He doesn't stop walking until we're in a forest. His back is still towards me and his hands are pressed against a tree, his head hung low and shoulders tensed. "Valentine, why can't you be like everyone else? Scared of me. Running away from me. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

I wrap my arms around my body and try to reassure myself. He likes me, he just has a lot of hurt that he has to work through. I take a step closer and take a deep breathe, hoping I can explain how I feel well. "Draco, I want to be close to you. I love the feeling when we're together and you show me more than other people can think about you."

My voice is shaking in desperation now; I wish he would just let me close to him. Draco turns and I see the tears in his eyes he's refusing to let fall, but I don't dare acknowledge them. He takes furious steps forward, cups my face in his hands, and kisses me. It's more than a peck, but not a passionate one. He pulls away just enough for us to meet eyes and my face is still in my hand as his chest heaves.

"Valentine, I have to be with you. I can't stop myself."