Wonder // Draco Malfoy

77. Homesick

The snow is falling heavily today. I'm sat on a bench at a park near Grimmauld Place alone, driven almost insane by being near so many people at once. I've had the same dream multiple times now where I am against that cruel woman that took the boy I was meant to save.

But who was the woman? Or the boy? And the one that was there with me? I have too many questions about everything but no one can help me. Even if I described the woman to someone who knew, no one would be able to tell me what anything else meant.

My cheeks and nose are bright pink from the cold but I have my dark green scarf wrapped tightly around me to brace me for the weather. It's almost completely silent today, save for the occasional passing of cars.

It's quite obvious that someone is walking from behind me, most likely someone I know coming to see if I'm alright. I can't hide how much I miss Draco, especially now that I have so many things to tell him, but it's terrible that I'm only surrounded by people that hate him. I chose to come here for break to learn more about what's happening at the Ministry, but I've become an outsider. Harry is completely engrossed in whatever he's been talking to Hermione and Ron about. Fred and George are scheming of new things to add to their business. Ginny is even spending more time with her mother, which leaves me alone or awkwardly standing at the edge of their conversations.

Tonks sits next to me and hands me a hot chocolate. I smile gratefully and let the cup warm my hands. "A bit cold outside today, isn't it?" She asks. I sigh into my mug and think of the time I spelt this on his breath before we were dating. When he teased me for wearing lipgloss. Does he miss me like I miss him?

"You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?"

I turn to her with the intention of keeping my walls up - of not letting her know how much power my love for Draco has over me. But I fail completely. Tears sting my cheeks as they roll down both sides. "No one understands," I whisper. She looks down to see my purse open next to me on the bench with a photo of me and Draco in our matching sweaters on top. We're laughing and linking arms as we pose for the camera.

She picks the photograph up and smiles adoringly at it. "Forbidden love," Tonks says. "It's never easy."

I take another shaky breath and take a small sip of the hot chocolate. It instantly warms me up as I take a few more sips and try to control my tears. "I feel homesick for him."

Tonks sets the photo back in my purse and turns to me. I expect to see the expression of a woman about to lecture a young girl on the dangers of boys, but I instead find a face of compassion. "What is he like? When you're alone with him, I mean."

"He's wonderful. All he cares about is if I'm happy and safe," I begin. I stare at the small bird in the tree near us as it shuffles in its nest. "It's as if my tears physically pain him. He was a mess when I was training for the tournament. He barely slept or ate the week before each task. He couldn't even finish his homework because he was obsessed with making sure I was good enough to keep myself not only alive but unhurt."

More tears fall as I remember how good he is to me. "He's so terrified that I'll leave him," I continue. I take a few deep breaths to stop my voice from cracking. "I never would. Not ever in my life would I dream about it. I would rather face a thousand deaths than consider living without him."

"I didn't know you felt so strongly," Tonks says.

"I had to live without him for a short while," I reply. "It was torture. He took back everything he gave me and I felt like I was stripped and thrown into a dungeon only to starve until I took my last breath."

Tonks places her hand on my knee and squeezes. "I promise you, it will get better. Nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy."

"Do you think I'm stupid for loving him?" I question. Everyone thinks I'm insane for loving him because of his family history. He also doesn't treat our classmates very well, but hopefully that's something we can work on.