A Wilted Red Rose (Hawks x Reader)

I Am Hawks

A/N: This chapter's picture was colored by luacridcy on tumblr!

~~~

The entrance of the tent flapped rigorously from the early spring winds, silence befalling the room for the first time in what felt like hours. Your vision began to refocus, but your lungs refused to cease its frenzied pattern. Dabi's venomous words pierced your thoughts as you felt your will begin to collapse like a stringed puppet.

"(y/n)...?" Tokoyami hesitated to ask, watching from behind as your head lowered before smacking your palms earnestly against your cheeks, as if trying to awake from an intense dream.

Deep breaths. Don't react anymore, (y/n). Don't let them see you like this. Dabi can't know he got to you. That's just what he wants!

In that same moment, you took a deep inhale and went completely silent, as if nothing were wrong.

In the moment of clarity, you felt the frigid air sting the tear trail on your cheeks.

"Tokoyami?" you asked softly, your demeanor switching completely. "Could you pass me that blanket?"

As Dark Shadow handed you the small cloth, both of their faces expressed nervous concern over how you were taking the news. Gently you reached to pull the blanket over Hawks' bandaged, unconscious body, afraid that the early morning chill would prematurely rouse him from his recovery.

Tokoyami and Dark Shadow exchanged a brief look before returning to you. "Are you going to be alright, Miss (y/n)?"

You nodded, still sitting by Hawks' cot. "I have to be, for the both of us."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it. Hawks has it the worst here out of any of us." As you stroked Hawks' exposed cheek with your knuckles, the faintest smile graced your lips. "The least we can do is to just keep smiling, for his sake. Right?"

"But what about your pain?" Dark Shadow spoke. "That's not something you can ignore forever."

Tokoyami was quick to silence Dark Shadow, but in that same moment he eased, realizing what he was saying was right.

"Can I tell you both something?"

Both Tokoyami and Dark Shadow perked up, their forms straightening. "Of course."

"What overcame me just now, it's happened before. It happened the night I thought I – lost Hawks. To tell you the truth, I've never been so scared in my life that night. But what scared me wasn't what was happening to me physically in that moment. What scared me – what truly frightened me - was how I felt afterwards. Back then, after I got my breathing under control, I thought it was over, and I could begin moving on. But that feeling was indescribable – it was like I was slowly being swallowed by a dark, inescapable void."

At that, Tokoyami's gaze returned to you. His look of fascination urged you to continue.

"I feel calm. Yes, it hurts, but we have to get through it this time. It took me a long time to realize why I couldn't heal, but now I get it. What Dabi said doesn't matter. We can move on."

"I'm not sure if I follow," Tokoyami admitted. "I had my suspicions about you and my sensei's relationship, but is love enough to move on from something like this?"

As your weary eyes connected with Tokoyami's, a genuine smile overtook your features as your attention went back to Hawks.

"I'll put it this way. It wasn't love itself that healed me. It's because he believes in me, because I love myself – I have the strength to heal, the will to forgive myself, and move forward. Any backlash that comes Hawks' way because of this, I'll be here beside him - hand in hand."