Heart of the Wolf Prince

Chapter 22

I've been pacing the palace halls for a good two hours now. It is well past midnight, and yet I know I can't go back to my room. If I go to bed, the thoughts will trap and suffocate me. At least if I'm walking, it feels a little like I'm evading them, even if they're clouding my mind to the point that I can't think of anything else.

My mind runs over every little detail of the night, replaying the feeling of Kohl's fingers exploring my body, his mouth on mine – and feeling guilty when my gut would twist in pleasure at the memory. Even guiltier so when I'd think about all those times I kissed Alex, none of those ever coming close to what I'd felt with Kohl. Alex had always felt safe and warm, like the low-burning embers of a fire. With Kohl, those embers exploded in flames, raging and all-consuming and dangerous. And yet it is all I want. Which must make me the shittiest person on earth because how could I even think that after everything Alex had done for me?

I slow my pace, swiping a hand over my face. I feel like dirt – lower than that. It would have been different if I'd pushed Kohl away, but I hadn't. I'd accepted his kiss. Relished in it. That made me a cheater, a whore. And even worse, I can't bring myself to hate what happened. I'd enjoyed every second of it and that fact makes me sick to my core. Because I shouldn't have enjoyed it. He isn't mine.

I release a small groan. I have to tell Alex. I have to come clean because that's the only thing I can do to make this somewhat right. He deserves a girl who; not one who is lost with her own feelings.

With a twinge of regret, I whirl on my heel and stalk towards the west side of the palace, where I know Alex's room is. My mind races the entire way there, my palms slick with sweat. I know I shouldn't be out alone at this time of night, but I don't fucking care. I have to tell Alex now.

I soon come to his door, and knock on it before I lose my nerve. He opens it instantly, and a razor lodges in my throat as I take in his grey sweats and white vest. His face breaks into a wide grin, and that alone almost makes me crumble under the guilt. But I raise my chin. I'm the one who did this to us, and it's up to me to own it.

"Naomi!" he says, sweeping me into a crushing embrace. I wince before pulling back, and Alex seems to finally understand something is amiss as his brows draw together. "Naomi?"

"I'm sorry," I rasp, having a thousand and one things to say but that being the first to slip out. My heart wrenches and I take in a swallow breath.

Alex frowns. "Sorry? What for?"

"I did something bad tonight," I breathe, and I finally lose the nerve to hold his eye. I stare at his chest instead, noting how his entire body stiffens at my admission.

"What did you do?"

"I..." the words get caught in my throat, and I swallow thickly. I close my eyes. This is your own fault. Stop being a coward and own up to it. "I kissed Kohl."

Silence like two eternities stretch between us.

"What?" Alex whispers, and the pain in his voice forces me to open my eyes and finally look up to meet his gaze. Part of me wishes I hadn't. His face is contorted in pain, brows lowered as though he is caught in total confusion.

"I kissed him... during his Rutt. He came onto me and I didn't try to shove him off and..."

"And you kissed him back?"

I flinch at the coldness of Alex's tone. There is so much pain in his gaze, but his face is stony, like he feels no emotion at all. Like a second skin of armour.

"Yes," I breathe. "Yes, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just... I had to tell you."

"And do you like him, Naomi?"