When Jacob came out of the hospital I was so happy to just be able to be around him to just have him here still.
Jacob and I was 20 months apart so we grew up close he was my best friend growing up poor thing had little luck and was always getting hurt as a kid. So many trips to the er because of him, so many scares over the years but none was like this.
He went and got his G.E.D and got a good job at a shipyard to break out of the shell my dad had him living in but everyone has their own demons they fight and Jacob slipped up and started getting addicted to pain pills.
It's hard to watch everyone around you go down that road, I had my days when I partied and I tested things but I found out fast that drugs was not for me, I didn't like the way they made me feel, I like feeling normal I never seen the attraction to nodding off or staying up for days that's just not my thing.
Over time I got married to the father of my daughter and I got pregnant with my second child. Jacob walked me down the isle along with my momma, it was simple but sweet. Things was good for a bit my brother was doing good in life he found his wife and had a son but those demons still hide in the darkness waiting for the moment life throws a curve ball and they come out to play.
My demons was depression I could never trust anyone when they said they loved me, I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. Always being told I was nothing but a whore by the ones that said they loved me made me sit and think I was nothing.
My mental state was wearing thin, trying to be the perfect wife and mother yet failing so badly or so I thought I was failing. My girls was always my priority. But my marriage was falling apart after my second daughter was born, I started being accused of cheating when I was just working trying to bring money in to help.
With the drug addiction my husband was battling he learned how to lie to me about losing money or just little minor things but I knew when he was lying because he would go on and on with a made up story to where the money was.
I felt so alone most days or like i was just living a as a shell of a person.
On our 10 year anniversary not our marriage anniversary but the anniversary of our first date I wasn't given flowers or gifts, I was sent screenshots of conversations between my husband and another woman.
I was broken, I was angry, I felt like I was worthless.
I didn't have the help I needed to leave at that time so I stayed and tried so hard to forgive him but I just couldn't deep down I couldn't love him anymore, I couldn't trust him.
A year later I found more stuff that he did behind my back and I decided to file for divorce. I moved to my grandmas house and started over I wanted to break that toxic cycle, I don't want my girls to ever grow up to see the same things I've seen, I felt so guilty that they already seen to much.
When I started my life again one of my old friends I grew up around reached out to me he knew I was going through a lot and we became close. He helped me see that I was worth more than what I went through. Josh was one of a kind.
I slowly felt myself trusting him more and more, my kids knew him from being around the family get togethers so it wasn't odd to them that he would talk to me. He was best friends with Jenny's husband. Sometimes my kids seen him more than I did when they would stay the night with Jenny.
When we started becoming more serious he would treat me and my girls like princesses.
His family treated my girls like they was part of the family they would invite them to go to the lake with all the other grandkids they had. It made my heart smile to see them laughing so much and enjoying the life they had.
Josh became this love I had been longing for, he wanted the best for me, after a while we started living together and we had a schedule, he went to work an hour before I left to drop the girls off at the sitter's and I went to work. We got off around the same time, went home cooked dinner together and watched a movie then we went to sleep it was a simple life, simple but happy.
Things was finally feeling normal it was a sense of security that I never had and I loved it.
"This was how life is supposed to be"
