Life was finally looking up, I was feeling good about myself again. Finally feeling secure with my body and loved.
We went on a camping trip with Josh's family and the kids, we rode the 4x4 through the woods and went swimming in a little lake we found on the trail, my cheeks was hurting from smiling so much.
He was a bit on the fun, crazy spontaneous side something I wasn't use to. We found a small dam that had a little waterfall going around it. I walked to the rocks that was sticking out of the water and put my hand in it to feel the rush of the water and I just took in the beauty of nature in silence.
For the first time in a very long time I felt peace within. It was to good to be true, how did I manage to turn my life around to be this way, something I thought I couldn't feel in my life was right here in this moment true happiness.
I looked up and could see the look on his face I don't know how long he was staring at me but I could sense he felt the same as I did in that moment.
He struggled with depression and was constantly stressing about everything so this was a nice way to just forget reality at least while we was at the lake we was carefree.
We went back to the campsite and changed into some dry clothes, his mom was outside reading a book in the shade. We walked over to her and she looked up with a smile on her face watching us act like kids was making her laugh.
Later that night the owner of the lake did a firework show we took the kids to the water to get a closer look it was beautiful the kids was in awe.
That will be a memory that I will cherish in my heart forever. The kids got sleepy so we went back and tucked them all in.
The next day josh and I had to leave the kids with his mom because they didn't plan on coming home for a few days and we had to work so we headed back to be responsible adults.
We got back rather early and went to his brothers house to hang out and just relax on the Sunday afternoon, I must say I could really get used to this life.
My ex husband was doing things that I didn't want my kids around so I was waiting on my lawyer to get back with me with the custody papers before I let my kids go with him. He was threatening me if he ever got the chance to have them he would of kept them from me. I was in fear that I would lose my kids so I was waiting to have the paperwork in hand before I let them go with him.
I know I sound horrible in that statement for keeping the kids away from him but he was using hard drugs and going to bars every night bringing home people that was on meth so in my mind I did what I had to, to protect my kids.
They didn't need to be around that and I refuse to let them! They already was around to much of his pill addiction and that was my fault for not leaving sooner.
On Father's Day I let the girls go to the store and pick him some stuff out and I got him to meet us so the girls could give him their gifts.
They didn't understand why things was the way they was and it tore at my heart to hear their questions but all I could say "things will be better soon and y'all will have plenty of time to catch up with your dad"
Knowing deep in my heart that this was how things had to be until I had legal custody I had to protect their innocence.
We returned to Josh's moms house and the girls went swimming in the pool with the other kids, while they swam I broke down I felt like I was failing them, I wanted to crawl under a rock and just cry the day away.
Josh seen I was upset and he reassured me that I was doing what needed to be done so that my girls would never be took from me.
It was hard, I was working as much as I could to make extra money for the girls to have what they needed.
I was helping josh with the bills also I paid half the bills so he wasn't stressed out as much. He was the lead pipe wilder instructor at a shipyard, he made decent money but his ex was taking most his check for child support over the son he shared with her.
We both had our baggage that we carried we just made it easier carrying it together.
