I swear I hate you

•Im so cool, right?•

Setting: a bridge in Yokohama.
Dazai pov:
"Such a beautiful river! Such a beautiful day!"

I smiled to myself. The river was looking awfully swimmable today.

Today was the day I left the port mafia behind, and moved on with myself. I would keep my promise to Oda for as long as I was alive.

"Odasaku..."
I looked at the sky, my smiled fading. I was finally able to see clearly without bandages covering one of my eyes.

"What's it like in heaven? I assume you're there anyway."
I chuckled to myself, but the humor didn't cover up my pain as much as I wished it did.

You know what did help? Blowing Chuuya's car up. Just imagining the look on his face made me smirk to myself. Priceless.

I looked down at the river, still smiling. The river was so beautiful. It was a nice misty day in Yokohama today.

I would rather focus on that rather than my current problems. And the insurmountable about of guilt and sadness that I carried around.

I held up one of my bandaged hands, my legs kicking back and forth as I sat on the bridge.

These were the hands I had used to hold Oda as he died.

I shook myself. I should focus more on the absolutely beautiful river in front of me! Such a nice view.

Only a small movement and I could jump right in.

But what would be the point of a single suicide? I'd rather do it with a beautiful lady.
Or a guy.

The thought surprised me. I hadn't ever wanted to commit suicide with a man-

I paused. I wondered how Chuuya was doing.

Oh well. I wondered if he'd found my surprise yet. Not that I cared about the Chibi.

~•*•*•*•~
(SO I FORGOT HOW DAZAI JOINED THE ADA SO WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE A CUTE LIL TIME SKIP.)
Dazai pov:

There was a stunning woman in front of me. I was right in joining the ADA! The cafe waitress was beautiful.

"You're so beautiful... delicate and feminine..."
I grasped her small hands. Smirking at her as if she was the only thing I could see.
"Would you care to join me in a double suic-"

I was cut off by kunikida hitting me on the head.
"YOU SUICIDAL MANIAC!"
Kunikida yelled.

"Awww Kunikida-kun! Don't you want me to be happy?"
I smirked and flailed around dramatically.

"YOU IDIOT!"
Kunikida yelled.

The door jingled as the director stepped into the cafe with a deep set frown on his face.

Kunikida straightened himself. I smirked.

"Aw director! Kunikida was threatening me!"
I said innocently, while stealing a quick devious smirk at kunikida.

Kunikida and the director sighed in unison and kunikida slapped his precious book down on the table.

"Listen here Dazai, you'll need to start pulling your weight around here or we'll have to fire you. AND NO WHERE IN MY BOOK DOES IR SAY I HAVE TIME FOR THAT!"
Kunikida said angrily, his weird ponytail somehow staying upright the whole time.

I blinked innocently.
"I can keep plenty busy!"
I shuffled some blank papers.

The director sighed.
"Dazai and Kunikida."
He said sternly.

Me and kunikida turned to face him immediately.

"Kunikida, go easy on Dazai. You know how many silly thoughts are inside his head."
The director said calmly, as if I wasn't standing right there.

I made a dramatic gasp and kunikida sighed.

"Yes, sir. I'll try my best to improve."
Kunikida said with a bow.

I gaped dramatically and put a bandaged hand over my heart.
"Oh kunikida-kun how could you??"
I asked, smirking slightly.

The director gave me a dead look and I immediately straightened out.
(Authors note: bros too gay that actions almost impossible...)

"Dazai. I have a mission for you. We've been receiving reports of a mafia member absolutely decimating entire underground factions. Now normally we wouldn't get involved but the mafia member has been searching for you, apparently."

I froze. There were only several people who would go that far...

"Well need you to find and confront this mafia member. I trust that you'll get the job done."
The director said calmly.

I did some finger guns and smirked cockily.
"You betcha!"
I said, smiling to hide the utter panic I was feeling.

I only knew one person who would go that far to find me. And I certainly wasn't interest in seeing him.

I suppose if I really didn't want to face the chibi I could just jump off a bridge. But was that really an option?

I still needed a double suicide partner.

~•*•*•*•~
(A week earlier)
Chuuya pov:
"TELL ME WHERE HE IS AND I WON'T REMOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR TEETH ONE BY ONE!"
I yelled angrily.

The person who is directed my threat at was cowering beneath me. It was one of the treasurers of a rivaling mafia. I didn't even know if he knew where the mackerel was but I was angry enough too just fight whoever I saw.

"P-please ch-ch-ch-Chuuya! I d-don't know!"
The treasurer cowered beneath me, covering his frail form with his bony hands as if that would defend him. I could easily snap his arm with barely any effort.

"TELL ME NOW! I CAN TELL YOUR LYING!"
I yelled at the man, and I brutally kicked him into the wall, feeling a sort of sick satisfaction at seeing him cry out in pain.

The misery and anger felt better when I did things like this. It wasn't quite as good as wine though. But I couldn't afford to be constantly drunk so this was my solution.

"P-please I have a f-family! I can pay you- who-whoever your looking for- I-I'll help!"
The man stuttered. I could tell he'd broken several ribs as he coughed out blood on the ground, his frail form shaking.

I crouched down to look at him, as he was crumpled on the ground. I felt tall.
"Does it look like i care?"
I smirked, a violent gleam in my eyes.

The man let out a scream of terror from whatever he saw in my eyes.

I sighed. He was too far gone now.
I crushed his neck with gravity.
He couldn't even scream in time as he died.

AUTHOR NOTE:
Wow. My first two chapters in one day! I promise our two protagonists will meet soon. Probably in the next chapter.
Hope you guys enjoyed and apologies for any grammar mistakes!