I swear I hate you

•trash.•

(A/N: uhhh yeah im vent writing angst... don't judge me)
(For newer readers you can skip this chapter tbh-)
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Setting: a certain river in Yokohama
Timeframe: three hours after the events of the last chapter
3rd person pov:

Dazai was pacing again. Waiting at the River where he had met Atsushi and fretting. Had Chuuya forgotten?

Dazai wanted to die, he wanted to die and he didnt know why.

There's no one there for him. He had no reason to be alive. These emotions were just too much.

God why could he just... die already? There's no point in being alive. Chuuya had probablt abandoned him.

Was he just being a drama queen? Yes. He's always been a stupid attention seeker who doesn't appreciate anything.

He wants to die even though his life is fine. He's such a stupid fucking waste of a human.

Dazai hates himself. He hates every part of himself. He can't... he just can't. He wants to hang himself, to throw himself off a bridge, to cut himself until he bleeds out.

Everything about the world was just so overwhelming and the only person he was even relying on was probably abandoning him.

Chuuya had always said he hated Dazai... was it a joke or did he mean it?

Dazai wasn't sure anymore. What he was sure of was that he wanted to die.

He tried to think of what his suicide note would be. No doubt he'd made them before but he needed a new one.

He didn't particularly love anyone. He'd tried of course. So who would he address it to? The ADA? They were sick and tired of him...

God he was so dramatic. Chuuya was probably just running late. right? Or had he just decided to leave Dazai?

Maybe it was better off that way. Dazai didn't deserve anything. He wanted to be hurt. But more than that he wanted to understand. Understand Chuuya and understand... himself.

Because as much as he'd like to say otherwise, Dazai didn't understand himself.

God he wanted to die.

...

"OI!"
The familiar sound of Chuuya's voice snapped Dazai out of sadness spiral.

Chuuya was wearing his usual uniform, his ginger hair flying in the wind as he took a dramatic leap and landed next to Dazai.

Dazai looked down at Chuuya, his face schooled into a feverishly desperate grin.

"Chuuyas late."
Dazai said flatly.

Chuuya's only reaction was a raucous grin and a devilish gleam in his eyes.
"So? Why would I want to be on time for a worthless waste of oxygen like you?"
He sneered, somehow looking down on Dazai despite his shorter stature.

Dazai sniffed prudently, keeping up his mask of indifference.
"Because..."
He couldn't think of anything on the spot, which was rather unlike him.

"Exactly. You can't think of anything."
Chuuya smirked up at him, and Dazai's self confidence was taking hit after hit.
"Because all you are is a stupid hole to fuck. You barely have any self worth, and soul everything you touch. Everytime you even try to fix things, you just end up being a lazy little shit."
Chuuya sneered, seeming delighted he could finally verbally abuse Dazai without repercussions.

If anything, Chuuya's words made Dazai's need for death even worse. It confirmed everything his brain already told him. But he wasn't the kind of person to outwardly admit he was hurting.