I swear I hate you

•i swear im fine•

Quick note: there's direct descriptions of self harm and gore in this chapter- if you aren't in the right head space you can skip this chapter. Love y'all! (platonically)

Setting: Dazai's apartment
Dazai's pov:

How to start the day?

Hm. There was always a nice true crime documentary... or perhaps a suicide one! Those ones were fascinating!

Or maybe I could go on tinder and find myself a double suicide partner... or more! Now wouldn't that be grand?

Or... or maybe I could hang myself off the bridge! That would be such a spectacular way to commit suicide.

I smiled to myself. Today was going to be a great day. I could just feel it! I just had to ignore the crushing misery that followed me everywhere.

I went to my kitchen to make myself some nice chamomile tea, rummaging through the disorganized chaos of my tea collection to find the chamomile.

"Ah there we are!"
I smiled brightly as I found the tea and started making it. I might as well be well hydrated whilst planning a suicide.

I went back into my living room and sank into the mess of brown pillows that was my couch. I loved my couch almost as much as I loved cats.

I turned on the TV, and was immediately met with one of the most gruesome sights I'd seen in awhile. And that was a lot coming from me. I had expected to find my usual suicide report but this was rather out of character for the tv station.

My smile evaporated. The TV reporter was struggling to compose herself as she reported the brutal death of a family of three. Jesus TV these days was so dark. Not that it bothered me though!

But I wasn't worried about the family. It was the way they were killed... I was surprised the news station hadn't filtered it. Their heads were smashed in, their bodies crumpled and bent in strange ways.

The sight was enough to make the chamomile tea I had just made seem disgusting.

My heart banged into my chest, and not in a nice way. The only person who killed like that was Chuuya... and if the chibi was going this crazy...

I smirked. Damn I must've pissed him off.

But then, I took a closer look at the families faces. Was that....

"Fuck. Chibi..."

It was my neighbors. He knew. Somehow that short asshole knew where I lived. And I had no doubt in my mind he was coming for me and this was a message. I was next.

Oh well. It would be nice dying by that shorties hands. As long as he...

My thought process trailed off. I could feel myself feeling things I shouldn't have. I wasn't supposed to be this way. That was in the past.

My grip tightened on the TV remote and I calmed myself down. I was not about to start thinking about that shortie again.

~•*•*•*•~

And of course, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Even as I removed the bandages on my left arm and cut a line. A single red line. Blood grew from the line and I watched with my usual sick fascination.

Just one cut and I could forget right? Just one cut and I could be free. I could forget about that Chibi.

The blood seemed to grow, staining the bathroom tiles all over again. I watched as I drew the blade across my arm. The way that the pain just made it hard to breathe was... nice.