Foolish one

Chapter 20

Alexia had arranged so that she would pick me, Mapí and Aitana up before driving us all to the airport. I lived closest to Alexia, so she picked me up first. "Hola Isa!" she said happily when I walked out of my door. I had the big bag I had gotten from the national team. It was filled to the brim with new clothes, all bearing the crest of the Spanish national team.

A sense of pride filled me. I would be representing my country. "Hola Alexia!" I said excitedly as I sat down in the front seat. She gave me full control of the music and I started playing some Taylor Swift to get me in the mood. I was blasting "Clean" and soon after that the sound of more sad songs filled the car.

When Mapí got in she looked at me like I was crazy. "I thought I would be getting the passenger seat" she complained loudly. "You know the person Alexia likes the most gets to sit in the front" I replied teasingly. "Well, Alexia likes me better so move back" Mapí answered. "Based on who is sitting in the front it does not look like that" I teased once again. "Girls, whoever sits in the front is not based on who I like the best" Alexia said, stopping me and Mapí from destroying each other.

When we picked up Aitana it was clear that Mapí was a bit irritated by our previous interaction. Aitana was her usual cheery self, laughing and joking all while singing along to the music playing in the background. I did the same, in the end I even got Alexia to sing along with us.

We arrived at the airport in our usual cheery manner. When Mapí got out of the car she changed back into her usual self. Running around and laughing with me and Aitana. It was like the three of us were children and Alexia was our mother.

This time around we all flew business class, Aitana was sitting next to me, and on the other side of the aisle you could find both Mapí and Alexia. It was a short flight to Madrid, where the camp would be held. Still the federation found it necessary to fly us there instead of making us take the train. I complained a bit, considering my slight fear of flying.

After the flight we ended up in a big taxi, driving us to camp. Mapí and Aitana both tried to keep the energy up, joking with me and trying to make me feel comfortable. I felt my entire body tensing up. It was an unfamiliar environment, with unfamiliar people and more difficult opposition. Everyone here was the best in Spain. I was not at that level.

What if everything went wrong?

What if they realised how big of a mistake they made when choosing me?

"Hey Isa. Look at me" Alexia whispered, her hand was resting on my thigh. I turned to face her, just like she wanted me to. "I know how good you are Isa, they also know that. You have nothing to be worried about. And if someone says you don't belong here, I will personally seek them out and hunt them down. Because you belong here" she whispered again. Her words reassuring me.

"Thank you, Ale" I whispered back, smiling big.

A few minutes later we all arrived. Aitana got out first, and the taxi-driver grabbed all of our bags from the trunk. We walked inside together, everyone seemed to want a photo of us all. Well, especially Alexia. She was their best player, and for good reason. She was the best player I knew, but I might be a little bit biased. You know, considering my feelings for her.

The first hour was uneventful. I found out that Aitana and I would be sharing a room, and I was happy about that. Sharing with her gave me a sense of security in this new place. I knew her from before and I knew what an amazing roommate she was. We unpacked our bags together before we were forced to make our way down to a meeting room.

I could feel my heart beating faster the closer we got to where we would be meeting everyone. The nervousness was settling in, and I felt Aitana grab my hand. She held it tightly, signalling that everything would be okay. And it would be, because I had my friend here with me. 

The two of us sat down in one of the middle rows. Soon after we were joined by Alexia, Mapí and Patri, as well as all the other Barcelona players. They filled the seats right next to us. There were other people in the room, people I had been looking up to for years. It was a surreal experience to be here.

Our coach Jorge Vilda did his introductions and went over the schedule for the camp before introducing me. I was the only new one this camp, and I hated that. I hated every single second I was forced to be in the spotlight. That introduction took a lot of time. I could feel myself staring at Alexia, who smiled my way, holding up her thumbs. When I looked over at Aitana she did the same thing, just as Mapí did. 

When I walked back to my seat, I felt a big smile forming. They were amazing, and always made me feel so calm. "You did amazing Isa, way better than I did" Alexia said as we made our way out the door. "What did you do then?" I asked teasingly. I liked teasing, it was a big part of my life. "I did not manage to introduce myself, I tripped on the way to the front and then got a brain-freeze and introduced myself as Alba. Mapí found that very funny, and since then we have been friends" she said, holding back laughter. "Yeah, that is just embarrassing" I responded. Trying my best to make my tone sound condescending and ironic.

"But I got one of my closest friends out of it, so I wouldn't change it for the world" Alexiaa said while pulling Mapí closer to her. "She was joking Alexia, couldn't you hear her tone?" Mapí asked, with the same tone as I had used earlier. "I don't like the two of you ganging up on me, its better when you are fighting" Alexia responded, just as ironic as the two of us had been earlier. It caused the three of us to erupt into laughter. 

The rest of the day passed quickly, we all played games in Alexia's and Mapí's room. Doing that as highly competitive people is not ideal. I ended up throwing all my cards at Mapí after she had teased me for losing. Alexia sat there like a calm mother, but don't be fooled, it was only because she was winning. When it started going bad for her, she got super grumpy. Like not talking to anyone and yelling whenever someone talked to her.

After fifteen more minutes of both me and Alexia being annoyed, we were forced to go out of the room and leave the game. "I think it is unfair that we have to leave, just because I threw some cards and yelled people" I complained to Alexia. "Yeah, it is so unfair. I can't believe they threw us out" she complained back. From an outside perspective we might sound childish and shallow, but it was just the competitiveness in us. 

Instead of going back the two of us went to mine and Aitana's room. I put on a movie, and we curled up in my bed. Alexia knew I needed her comfort, and she was happy to provide that for me. We talked about what had been going on, and how I had been self-harm free for four months. It wasn't a lot, but it was long for me. It was the longest by far I had been clean since I started. I thought it was the letters, they helped me talk about my feelings when I did not want to talk to anyone. Not that I told Alexia that.

She was rubbing circles on my hips. My shirt was slightly pulled up, revealing the soft skin underneath. I felt myself relax into her touch and how my eyes were getting heavier by every passing second.

Her touch did wonders for me. How could she do that?

I hated the fact that I relied on her. I wanted nothing more than for my crush on her to disappear. I needed it to disappear. 

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I am no longer included in family game night. I kind of threw the cards again at my sister and yelled at my family because they were all cheating. I don't think they did, but at that time it felt like they did.

However that coompetitiveness has not transended onto the pitch. There I am the calmest I have ever been, focusing on what I can do and never letting the opposition or the referee get to me. It is honestly so cool.

Are you competitive?

I have watched my crush play two times today, and I miss playing with her.

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