five | failed attempt

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I sit beside the hospital bed on a hard chair, but Mum isn't there. Where is she? She was laying there a few moments ago. She's gone now. 

I stand up and leave the room. The nurses and doctors don't look at me. They are all frowning. Mum's good for nothing boyfriend stands in front of me suddenly. He holds a broken beer bottle and smirks at me. He smells like cigarettes. 

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Stupid girl!" He jeers. 

The nurses and doctors surround me. They all laugh and point at me. "She's gone! Ha! Stupid girl! She's gone!" Their words go in one ear and out the other. I shake my head rapidly, running away from them. 

"Mum! Mum! Where are you?" I cry out. 

I run outside of the hospital. People stand far away, dressed in black. I go to them and see my Mum's black and white picture placed before a coffin. "We're here in loving memory of Julie Meyers," The priest begins. I am now dressed in black, too. 

Someone begins to pound on the coffin from the inside as they lower her inside. Screams come from it as dirt is poured onto Mum. "No! No! Stop! She's alive!" I beg them, but no one listens. "No!" 

I lurch up from the plush bed. Salty tears stream from my eyes, dampening the comforter and my nightclothes. The nightmare, combined with many memories from hospital visits and the funeral, sears a permanent place into my mind. 

The door bursts open, and I see Sullivan in my doorway, his eyebrows knotted in confusion. "Sweetheart?" He softly asks, closing the door  and moving towards me. I just begin to cry harder, memories swelling inside of me. I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them for comfort. 

Sullivan sits beside me. He places a hand on my back, and gently moves it up and down to try to console me. I forgot how much I missed nurturing touch. After Mum's death, the care workers never hugged me. Nor did any of my foster parents. 

Forgetting that I'm supposed to hate my brother, forgetting he ruthlessly shot a woman, forgetting that he's probably picking my future husband in his mind at this very moment, I sink into his grasp, my head on his chest. 

Sullivan lays beside me on the bed, but I remain clung to him. He begins to move his fingers through my silky, flowing hair. Their expensive conditioner is doing wonders for it. "Do you remember your first blizzard?" Sullivan asks. I shake my head. 

"You were five, I was eighteen, and it was three o'clock in the morning. I heard a shriek from your bedroom, as did everyone else. Horrified, our group of seven males stormed your bedroom. But we only saw you jumping up and down, pointing out the window at the massive amounts of snow and a tired nanny." 

I let a laugh escape my mouth at the picture of seven men, wielding guns, and a little girl excited about some snow. 

Sullivan continues, "For the rest of the day, the entire family was outside with you, making snow families, snow villages, or just chucking snowballs around at each other. At the end, you were shivering, but had the widest smile on your face that I had never seen before." 

My body begins to relax, and my eyes grow heavy, closing without my consent. 

———

When I wake, I hear voices. "No fair! How is Sullivan her favorite? I literally bought her ice cream yesterday," Luke whines. 

"You bought her ice cream? I believe that was my wallet," Logan replies. 

Sullivan stirs. I keep my eyes closed. "Get out of here before you wake Evelyn up," He says roughly to them. 

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