I'm leaving tonight. [h.s]

23

I just want to give you a heads up; from now on, my chapters will have mentions or will contain a serious topic, self harm, and many more serious important topics. If you wish to stop reading for your mental health sake, then please do. You're more important. Thank you for reading this far, I appreciate you.

Read the bottom of the page for more information.

PRESS THE VIDEO WHEN YOU SEE ! ON ITS OWN (if you can't see it, it's Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran)

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We left not long after our conversation. Nothing else happened; we were just staring into each other's eyes. I thought he was going to kiss me at one point, but he didn't.

We were in Hershey tonight and tomorrow and both of the nights we decided to do matching outfits. We had a white jersey shirt with our surnames on the back, although I had KSwift instead and a white long sleeve top underneath.

The boys were in the main dressing room while I was in mine scrolling on Twitter. This has been a routine since that night a couple weeks back. I shouldn't do this, it's not good for me but for some reason I have to. It's like I can't go on stage without looking at what the so-called fans have been saying about me.

I haven't told the boys this, I've been keeping it to myself. I'm not sure how they would react, they would probably tell me to stop.

But it's not that easy.

I was late to the stage. Five minutes late to the stage. I came on when the boys were finishing 'I would', the fans went absolutely crazy. I felt appreciated for once, it felt like the past couple of weeks of scrolling through the hate was nothing and that was a good feeling. I knew the boys were wondering why I was late, Liam had told me five minutes beforehand that we had to go on stage and I said I was on my way.

I didn't move a single muscle when he left my room.

We carried on with the show, I had lied to the fans plus the boys that I was having a quick pee because my anxiety was so high. The boys all gave me some sort of look, telling me that they knew I was lying but I didn't acknowledge it. I just hope I can convince them enough that it was the truth, even though it wasn't but I don't want them to ask questions.

The show ended and we rushed off. I hurried to the main dressing room but someone grabbed hold of me before I could go in. I turned around to see Harry's face.

"Kenzie, why were you late?" He instantly asked, dropping my arm as he finished.

"Like I said earlier, I was having a piss." I replied

"Why don't I believe you?" Harry asked, I shrugged.

"Why are you so mad about me being late by accident?" I asked, the boys finally caught up with us and stood next to us.

"I'm worried about you." He said, I looked at the boys then back at him.

"Why? I'm so sorry that I needed a piss." I harshly said, I tried to walk away but he grabbed hold of me.

"Kenzie, stop." He said

"Let go of me." I raised my voice which caused him to let me go. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Kenzie, let's go to your dressing room and we can talk there." Harry said

"No! Just stop, I'm sick of you trying to protect me from everything. I know how to look after myself, I don't need you anymore." I shouted

"You don't mean that, Kenz." Liam stated, I shook my head and put my hands on my head.

My mind was spinning, I couldn't focus anymore. Everything was a blur. I couldn't control any of my emotions.