protecting my peace

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I had to cut contact
because the urge to run to you,
to be with you,
to talk to you, wouldn't go away.

I had to cut contact
because reading old texts
would reopen old wounds.
And the need to know what went wrong
would blur the lines
between what was right and wrong.

I had to cut contact
because I was afraid.
I was afraid that I would fall down an endless spiral.
Because I remembered everything about you
when I was around you.
The colour of your eyes,
the sound of your laughter,
the way you did your hair,
and the smell of your perfume.
I remembered your favorite cartoon,
your regular birthday ritual,
and how your mother didn't treat you right.
And the immediate urge to wrap you in my warm embrace,
to protect you from crumbling would be so great
that I would forget all the things that you did to hurt me.
But you treated me like we weren't anything...like we were not even friends.
So, I had to cut contact
to protect my peace.

But you know what?
I still miss you.

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