Dear You, From, Me [COMPLETED & EDITING]

December 29, 2015

Dear You,
I'm a complete idiot.

Why would I break down, yet again to my closest friends and tell them what's been happening lately?

Why just why?

After what happened over the course of the week, I thought I needed to leave the house and clear my head for a bit, so I went to go over my best friend's house.

When I went, things were going smoothly, we caught up with things, talked about what we got for Christmas, and all of the above.

Then, when we went to her room after the night was pretty much over, I told her and her twin what's been going on.

Everything, from the fights in our family, to distancing myself over and over again, and just all the stress and emotions running through my head.

All she did after that, was look at me, with an apologetic and feeling sorry look in her eyes. It made me feel guilty, and she just came over to me and hugged me. I couldn't help, but cry, and all those tears I let out were all those months of keeping things in and hiding everything underneath the surface.

She told me she really didn't know what to do, and I understood because she's never been in the situation I have.

She's always had her family together doing a bunch of family things, that even I became apart of. She's never lost a parent or even a family member close to what I have. She's always had two set of grandparents, and I barely had one. I had just a grandmother on my dads side who's, sort of bad news and then my grandmother from my step mom who's a really great and sweet person.

She has the family that I've always wanted, and unfortunately couldn't have.

She knew that too, and she told me that families aren't perfect and that even in their darkest hour, they will always find a way to fix it.

I took it in and I thought about it when we went to bed, but the last thing I thought about, was that it's not the truth.

We want to think everything will be fixed and go back to the way it was, but it can't. Life only goes forward, and it doesn't stop for anyone. It needs to be accepted as it is.

And that's when I realized the only one who can't accept life the way it is, was me.

I'm my own, blockade, and now that I know that, I needed to knock it down. For good.

From, Me