Things I Could Never Tell You

266

September 18, 4:32 pm.

I forgot to text what happened yesterday, because everything happened so fast that I just wasn't in the mood to type everything. The moment you walked past me, I saw the look on your face. You may have changed a lot, but there are some things that will always be the same. Your face didn't hold any emotion. No anger, no sadness; just a blank expression that wasn't hard for me to decipher.

I knew you weren't fine. You could fool everyone around you by saying you were alright. But you will never fool me. I know when you aren't okay even when you tell everyone you are. I threw Cameron a look and he just nodded. So I went after you. When I got out from the cafeteria, you weren't there anymore. I went to every classrom, but you weren't there either. I even went to the men's bathroom, but there was no sign of you.

The moment I got to the parking lot I realized your car wasn't there anymore. I grabbed my keys from my pocket, got in my car and drove to the only place I knew you could have gone to. My backyard. I remember when you weren't fine at all, you'd drive all the way to there, jump the fence and go to our backyard. I'd always find you there and we would just lay in the grass and look at the blue californian sky.

When I got to my house, I saw your car parked right in front of it. I opened the gate and walked to the backyard. There you were. Lying on the grass and looking at the sky. Your eyes were bloodshot and your face was a bit red.

I walked closer. When you noticed my presence, you ran your hands through your hair.

"I'm sorry I came here," You muttered. "I know I have no right to because this is not my house. At least not anymore. I... I just didn't know where to go and this was the first place that I thought of." You whispered.

Your lips trembled slightly. You took some deep breaths to try to regain composure.

"It doesn't matter if I don't come here that often. This place will always feel like home. Always." Your voice cracked. "My best memories were spent here. In this backyard." You whispered more to yourself than to me.

I walked closer and sat beside you.

"God, how could I have been so fucking stupid?" You asked. I laid in the grass next to you.

For the first time, I didn't hate you for leaving me. I just knew that it had to be that way. If it weren't that way, I wouldn't have changed the way I saw the world.

"We never know what's going to happen to us really." I finally said. "I guess the only thing we can do is emotionally prepare ourselves for everything that comes our way."

"I loved her," You blurted out.

"I know," I said.

"Why do we always end up loving the wrong people at the wrong time?" You asked, tilting your head to the side in the same direction of mine.

"We can't choose the people we fall in love with," I let out a small, dry laugh.

You licked your lips and smiled.

"We really can't." You mumbled. So we just stayed there in silence. There weren't any words needed.

Words would be meaningless for that moment.