All Shall Fade (LOTR-Wattys 2014)

All Shall Fade - Chapter 29 - Doubt and Trust

All Shall Fade

Chapter 29

Doubt and Trust

I glanced up from where my head had been buried in my arms and realised that I must have fallen asleep. How else could I be sitting in the same dark chamber that I seemed to appear in every time I drifted into unconsciousness? I looked around and spotted the wizard, sitting in his throne-like chair.

“What do you want?” I rasped, my throat felt like sandpaper after crying so much. Saruman just stared silently at me. “I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now, so just leave me alone.” I muttered, curling my knees a little tighter into my chest.

“The end is coming.” The wizard said ominously, causing me to look up and frown. “By the second dawn, the world of men will have begun to fall.” I didn’t say anything; I was in no mood for his cryptic messages. “I can offer you a way out.” He spoke again, and this time I glanced up curiously. “Join with me, and your life will be spared.” He rose to his feet and slowly walked towards me as I uncurled from my tight ball.

“What?” I whispered, getting to my feet, “Join with you? How could you expect me to accept that? After what you did?” I spat angrily, clenching my fists at my sides. “It’s your fault that Aragorn’s gone! You sent out those Wargs! You killed him!” My voice rose to a yell as Saruman observed me coldly.

“You will not be given a second chance. Choose now or perish.”

I laughed sarcastically, “There is no choice, kill me now, see if I care!” I spread my arms out as if to challenge him, “Or can you even kill me in my own dream?” I scowled as I took a step forward, “You’re weak and a coward! You send others to do your killing for you, but it doesn’t change the fact that you killed him.” The wizard narrowed his eyes before turning away and stalking back to his chair.

“So you have chosen the path of death.” He growled, and again a sarcastic laugh escaped my lips.

“You know what? I’m not going to die. I’m going to live – just to spite you.” I scowled defiantly, “Now get out of my head and don’t come back.” The wizard just stared at me, “Leave me alone!” I shouted, my voice echoing off the black stone walls, “Leave me alone!” Saruman flinched at my loud scream, and the room started to waver, “Leave me alone!” My hands knotted in my hair as I concentrated on pushing him as far away from me as possible, and with one final scream of my repeated command, the room faded into nothingness.

I sat up with a quiet gasp, and then blinked in the darkness. Night had fallen. I looked around, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the gloom. The fortress was utterly silent, adding to the crushing feeling of loneliness that engulfed me. I didn’t want to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to face Saruman again, or any of my other nightmares. I didn’t even want to close my eyes, because when I did, all I saw was Aragorn. I didn’t want to start crying again, but I couldn’t help it. Why was I so unable to pull myself together?

I tilted my head back and looked up at the cloudless, midnight blue sky. The stars were shining particularly brightly tonight, but they were quickly blurred by the tears that filled my eyes as I was reminded of the night back in Rivendell when I’d sat and looked at the stars with Aragorn. I’d felt frightened and alone then too… But he’d made me feel better. That wasn’t going to happen now. I hugged my knees to my chest as I watched the tears that fell from my cheeks splash onto the stone ground I sat on.