Restless

Chapter 5

School was cancelled for a day once word had gotten out and her body was found.

Once dad had gotten me up in the morning, I just laid in my bed, staring with my dead eyes at the ceiling above me. Natural light spilled through a crack in my curtains, allowing me to see around my room ever so slightly. After seeing what happened that night, I didn't want to move. When I was still for this long, I was emotionless. Feelings could not affect me so I could not feel the guilt and the sympathy for the situation at hand. I was peaceful for once and I knew that if that was disturbed, I would never have that feeling back for a long time. I called down to my dad before he left.
"I made your lunch yesterday," I yelled. "Don't forget to take it."

No matter how much I didn't want to, I had to drag myself out of bed and continue with life like everybody else. Somewhere out there, though, Emily's family were probably cursing me and cussing me out. When she was talking to me, she told me she didn't have a family though. No one to mourn her. I knew no one at school would.

I was the only one around that night. I was the only one that saw what happened and yet I still was unsure what she mouthed to me before she decided to kill herself. It was what kept me up at night that night. Not a single thing could have gotten that out of my mind. It was on replay all night.

While eating breakfast, I wondered what the preps were doing through that. Sympathy is one feeling they would never feel when it came to Emily's death and I didn't even need to see them laughing and smiling to know that.

When school started again, I was correct and they were just fine. I, however, felt something shift inside me.

Whether it was the fact I saw what happened and they didn't or the fact I might've felt a connection with Emily went unanswered. I deemed it better that way.

"Okay everyone!" Faye yelled, carelessly climbing onto a desk to maximise the attention she was drawing to herself. "Let's play charades since it's raining outside!" It was break and everyone agreed, not having anything better to do since going outside wasn't an option. Once again, I was content with reading a book I'd recently bought out from the library. This was from before Emily's death. In the corner of my eye, the game started with Faye. She held her arms out horizontally and smiled before shouting "guess who I am" and jumping off the desk, playing dead once she reached the bottom.

After witnessing that, it took a lot of willpower to not do something. I was never one to speak up anyway so why should I now. It was strange glancing back at an empty desk. Laughter erupted in the room after Faye's little performance but I was disgusted. Eventually, the whole class was miming hangings and wrist-cuttings and all sorts of graphic and violent self-harming methods. That all stopped when I slammed my book as hard as I possibly could, my the twitching from annoyance.

"Do you all ever shut up? Maybe some of us wish that you all killed yourselves instead of her!" Was all I could think to say. They all stared at me with surprise and shock but we all knew an argument was about to stir up. The silence was the calm before the storm.
"I completely forgot! You were her only friend weren't you? Defending her by attacking us!" She emphasised the last word, taking steps towards me and pointing fingers. Unlike Emily, I showed no reaction. If I did I would only become the victim just like her.
"Both times were convenient accidents. You, the bully, just happened o be standing at the wrong place at the wrong time and temporarily became a victim," During that speech, I rose from my chair and glared at her. "You became my victim." I picked up the book I had finished before that all started and swung my bag dramatically over my shoulder before storming out. Even down the hall I could hear them laughing.

It was too late.

I was the next Emily.