The Final Countdown - Season I

Episode 3: Part 7: Fancy Chai

Previously on the Final Countdown...

The yurt is untold light years away from where the Earth used to be. The onboard AI, physically manifested as a robot girl with a coffee carafe as her braincase, triggered the jump across the galaxy...and they reappeared right in front of a hostile alien spaceship.

Venti shook her head. She'd been unconscious more in the past few hours than she'd ever been before. Her head was more angry beehive of pain than actual functioning brain, so it took a moment to really take in the severity of her current pickle.

"Hey." 

She knew that voice. 

"Fancypants..." Venti blinked as the world came into focus. "What the hell happened..."

She lifted her head, and saw Fancypants staring out the yurt's main window, which was little more than a plate-sized pane of spaceproof glass in the middle of the door. 

"Still working that out...but I'm pretty sure we're not alone in the galaxy..." Fancypants floated over and helped Venti right herself. Floating around aimlessly took its toll on the ol' human body.

"What...no...that's not real..." Venti took a deep breath. "We're supposed to be home, in our bedroom...no toothbrush bullshit...no octopus on my head...no Nickelback..."

Fancypants smiled, not unkindly. "You want me to tell you this is all a bad dream?"

Venti nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek despite her best efforts to keep it in.

"Sorry, my love." Fancypants kissed her on the other cheek. "I wish I could."

"I know." Venti floated over to the window and gasped as the massive alien spaceship took up the entire window. She couldn't see either end, no matter how she turned her head. "That's a bigass ship."

"Yeah. I just hope they like us."

Venti laughed without joy. "I sure don't."

Fancypants joined her at the window. "What do you mean?"

"Humanity. Earth. Us. Your dumb robot girlfriend...I mean, what the hell happened?"

Fancypants shrugged. "I don't know. The fabric of the planet just completely gave way to uncontrollable rage."

"Do you know how crazy that sounds?"

It was Fancypants's turn to laugh. "Sure do. I didn't want to believe it when I first saw it happening...but here we are."

Venti crossed her arms over her chest and floated back to the middle of the yurt. Ronnie's snores echoed from the other end of the yurt, which was almost comforting. "How did we make it? Why us?"

"I'm not sure...but I think it has something to do with Ronnie teaching us yoga fu."

Flashes of weird high kicks combined with downward dog flooded Venti's poor head. "You're shitting me."

"The combo of balanced attacks and restorative breathing gave us an immunity...maybe."

A strange blue light filled the entire yurt, and the whole Countdown shuddered as it began to slide through space toward the massive alien ship.

"What's happening?" Venti begged.

A booming voice from the huge ship filled the yurt. "REMAIN CALM, UGLY BAGS OF MOSTLY WATER. DO NOT PANIC. IF YOU PLEASE US, WE SHALL NOT EAT YOU."

Something crashed against the floor from the far end of the yurt. "Fuck that!"

Fancypants grinned.

"Ronnie's up."

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